at tails are
given to conceal thought. It is my dearest ambition to be as impassive
as the Sphinx."

"My friend, you must recognise the laws and limitations of your being,"
replied the Tail, with flexions appropriate to the sentiments uttered,
"and try to be great some other way. The Sphinx has one hundred and
fifty qualifications for impassiveness which you lack."

"What are they?" the Dog asked.

"One hundred and forty-nine tons of sand on her tail."

"And--?"

"A stone tail."

A Prophet of Evil

An Undertaker Who Was a Member of a Trust saw a Man Leaning on a Spade,
and asked him why he was not at work.

"Because," said the Man Leaning on a Spade, "I belong to the
Gravediggers' National Extortion Society, and we have decided to limit
the production of graves and get more money for the reduced output. We
have a corner in graves and propose to work it to the best advantage."

"My friend," said the Undertaker Who Was a Member of a Trust, "this is a
most hateful and injurious scheme. If people cannot be assured of
graves, I fear they will no longer die, and the best interests of
civilisation will wither like a frosted leaf."

And blowing his eyes upon his handkerchief, he walked away lamenting.

The Crew of the Life-boat

The Gallant Crew at a life-saving station were about to launch their life-
boat for a spin along the coast when they discovered, but a little
distance away, a capsized vessel with a dozen men clinging to her keel.

"We are fortunate," said the Gallant Crew, "to have seen that in time.
Our fate might have been the same as theirs."

So they hauled the life-boat back into its house, and were spared to the
service of their country.

A Treaty of Peace

Through massacres of each other's citizens China and the United States
had been four times plunged into devastating wars, when, in the year
1994, arose a Philosopher in Madagascar, who laid before the Governments
of the two distracted countries the following _modus vivendi_:

"Massacres are to be sternly forbidden as heretofore; but any citizen or
subject of either country disobeying the injunction is to detach the
scalps of all persons massacred and deposit them with a local officer
designated to receive and preserve them and sworn to keep and render a
true account thereof. At the conclusion of each massacre in either
country, or as soon thereafter as practicable, or at stated regular
periods, as may be provi