ash it off. In doing
so he necessarily got some on the other hand, and when he had finished
washing, both were so white that he went to bed and sent for a physician.

Alarm and Pride

"Good-Morning, my friend," said Alarm to Pride; "how are you this
morning?"

"Very tired," replied Pride, seating himself on a stone by the wayside
and mopping his steaming brow. "The politicians are wearing me out by
pointing to their dirty records with _me_, when they could as well use a
stick."

Alarm sighed sympathetically, and said:

"It is pretty much the same way here. Instead of using an opera-glass
they view the acts of their opponents with _me_!"

As these patient drudges were mingling their tears, they were notified
that they must go on duty again, for one of the political parties had
nominated a thief and was about to hold a gratification meeting.

A Causeway

A Rich Woman having returned from abroad disembarked at the foot of Knee-
deep Street, and was about to walk to her hotel through the mud.

"Madam," said a Policeman, "I cannot permit you to do that; you would
soil your shoes and stockings."

"Oh, that is of no importance, really," replied the Rich Woman, with a
cheerful smile.

"But, madam, it is needless; from the wharf to the hotel, as you observe,
extends an unbroken line of prostrate newspaper men who crave the honour
of having you walk upon them."

"In that case," she said, seating herself in a doorway and unlocking her
satchel, "I shall have to put on my rubber boots."

Two in Trouble

Meeting a fat and patriotic Statesman on his way to Washington to beseech
the President for an office, an idle Tramp accosted him and begged twenty-
five cents with which to buy a suit of clothes.

"Melancholy wreck," said the Statesman, "what brought you to this state
of degradation? Liquor, I suppose."

"I am temperate to the verge of absurdity," replied the Tramp. "My
foible was patriotism; I was ruined by the baneful habit of trying to
serve my country. What ruined you?"

"Indolence."

The Witch's Steed

A Broomstick which had long served a witch as a steed complained of the
nature of its employment, which it thought degrading.

"Very well," said the Witch, "I will give you work in which you will be
associated with intellect--you will come in contact with brains. I shall
present you to a housewife."

"What!" said the Broomstick, "do you consider the hands of a hou