n to have the lack with you?" the official asked. "I should
like to see it."

"With pleasure," said the other; "here it is."

So saying he handed the other a check, which the District Attorney
carefully examined, and then pronounced it the most complete absence of
both proof and presumption that he had ever seen. He said it would
acquit the oldest man in the world.

A Harmless Visitor

At a meeting of the Golden League of Mystery a Woman was discovered,
writing in a note-book. A member directed the attention of the Superb
High Chairman to her, and she was asked to explain her presence there,
and what she was doing.

"I came in for my own pleasure and instruction," she said, "and was so
struck by the wisdom of the speakers that I could not help making a few
notes."

"Madam," said the Superb High Chairman, "we have no objection to visitors
if they will pledge themselves not to publish anything they hear. Are
you--on your honour as a lady, now, madam--are you not connected with
some newspaper?"

"Good gracious, no!" cried the Woman, earnestly. "Why, sir, I am an
officer of the Women's Press Association!"

She was permitted to remain, and presented with resolutions of apology.

The Judge and the Rash Act

A Judge who had for years looked in vain for an opportunity for infamous
distinction, but whom no litigant thought worth bribing, sat one day upon
the Bench, lamenting his hard lot, and threatening to put an end to his
life if business did not improve. Suddenly he found himself confronted
by a dreadful figure clad in a shroud, whose pallor and stony eyes smote
him with a horrible apprehension.

"Who are you," he faltered, "and why do you come here?"

"I am the Rash Act," was the sepulchral reply; "you may commit me."

"No," the judge said, thoughtfully, "no, that would be quite irregular. I
do not sit to-day as a committing magistrate."

The Prerogative of Might

A Slander travelling rapidly through the land upon its joyous mission was
accosted by a Retraction and commanded to halt and be killed.

"Your career of mischief is at an end," said the Retraction, drawing his
club, rolling up his sleeves, and spitting on his hands.

"Why should you slay me?" protested the Slander. "Whatever my intentions
were, I have been innocuous, for you have dogged my strides and
counteracted my influence."

"Dogged your grandmother!" said the Retraction, with contemptuous
vulgarity of sp