A Convention of female writers, which for two days had been stuffing
Woman's couch with goose-quills and hailing the down of a new era,
adjourned with unabated enthusiasm, shouting, "Place aux dames!" And
Echo wearily replied, "Oh, damn."

The Ingenious Blackmailer

An Inventor went to a King and was granted an audience, when the
following conversation ensued:

_Inventor_.--"May it please your Majesty, I have invented a rifle that
discharges lightning."

_King_.--"Ah, you wish to sell me the secret."

_Inventor_.--"Yes; it will enable your army to overrun any nation that is
accessible."

_King_.--"In order to get any good of my outlay for your invention, I
must make a war, and do so as soon as I can arm my troops--before your
secret is discovered by foreign nations. How much do you want?"

_Inventor_.--"One million dollars."

_King_.--"And how much will it cost to make the change of arms?"

_Inventor_.--"Fifty millions."

_King_.--"And the war will Cost--?"

_Inventor_.--"But consider the glory and the spoils!"

_King_.--"Exactly. But if I am not seeking these advantages? What if I
decline to purchase?"

_Inventor_.--"There is no economy in that. Though a patriot, I am poor;
if my own country will not patronise me, I must seek a market elsewhere."

_King_ (to Prime Minister).--"Take this blackmailer and cut off his
head."

A Talisman

Having been summoned to serve as a juror, a Prominent Citizen sent a
physician's certificate stating that he was afflicted with softening of
the brain.

"The gentleman is excused," said the Judge, handing back the certificate
to the person who had brought it, "he has a brain."

The Ancient Order

Hardly had that ancient order, the Sultans of Exceeding Splendour, been
completely founded by the Grand Flashing Inaccessible, when a question
arose as to what should be the title of address among the members. Some
wanted it to be simply "my Lord," others held out for "your Dukeness,"
and still others preferred "my Sovereign Liege." Finally the gorgeous
jewel of the order, gleaming upon the breast of every member, suggested
"your Badgesty," which was adopted, and the order became popularly known
as the Kings of Catarrh.

A Fatal Disorder

A Dying Man who had been shot was requested by officers of the law to
make a statement, and be quick about it.

"You were assaulted without provocation, of course," said the District
Attorn