tirely orthodox, and had always led a pious and holy life.

"That is all very true," said the Adversary, "but you taught by example
that a verb should not agree with its subject in person and number,
whereas the Good Book says that contention is worse than a dinner of
herbs. You also tried to release the objective case from its thraldom to
the preposition, and it is written that servants should obey their
masters. You stay right here."

The Debaters

A Hurled-Back Allegation, which, after a brief rest, had again started
forth upon its mission of mischief, met an Ink-stand in mid-air.

"How did the Honourable Member whom you represent know that I was coming
again?" inquired the Hurled-back Allegation.

"He did not," the Inkstand replied; "he isn't at all forehanded at
repartee."

"Why, then, do you come, things being even when he had hurled me back?"

"He wanted to be a little ahead."

Two of the Pious

A Christian and a Heathen in His Blindness were disputing, when the
Christian, with that charming consideration which serves to distinguish
the truly pious from the wolves that perish, exclaimed:

"If I could have my way, I'd blow up all your gods with dynamite."

"And if I could have mine," retorted the Heathen in His Blindness,
bitterly malevolent but oleaginuously suave, "I'd fan all yours out of
the universe."

The Desperate Object

A Dishonest Gain was driving in its luxurious carriage through its
private park, when it saw something which frantically and repeatedly ran
against a stone wall, endeavouring to butt out its brains.

"Hold! Hold! thou desperate Object," cried the Dishonest Gain; "these
beautiful private grounds are no place for such work as thine."

"True," said the Object, pausing; "I have other and better grounds for
it."

"Then thou art a happy man," said the Dishonest Gain, "and thy bleeding
head is but mere dissembling. Who art thou, great actor?"

"I am known," said the Object, dashing itself again at the wall, "as the
Consciousness of Duty Well Performed."

The Appropriate Memorial

A High Public Functionary having died, the citizens of his town held a
meeting to consider how to honour his memory, and an Other High Public
Functionary rose and addressed the meeting.

"Mr. Chairman and Gintlemen," said the Other, "it sames to me, and I'm
hopin' yez wull approve the suggistion, that an appropriet way to honour
the mimory of the decaised would