e means of defence.
The first speaker thought the best policy would be to offer a fried
jackass to the gods. The second suggested a public procession, headed by
the Wampog himself, bearing the Holy Poker on a cushion of
cloth-of-brass. Another thought that a scarlet mole should be buried
alive in the public park and a suitable incantation chanted over the
remains. The advice of the fourth was that the columns of the capitol be
rubbed with oil of dog by a person having a moustache on the calf of his
leg. When all the others had spoken an Aged Man rose and said:

"High and mighty Wampog and fellow-citizens, I have listened attentively
to all the plans proposed. All seem wise, and I do not suffer myself to
doubt that any one of them would be efficacious. Nevertheless, I cannot
help thinking that if we would put an improved breed of polliwogs in our
drinking water, construct shallower roadways, groom the street cows,
offer the stranger within our gates a free choice between the poniard and
the potion, and relinquish our private system of morals, the other
measures of public safety would be needless."

The Aged Man was about to speak further, but the meeting informally
adjourned in order to sweep the floor of the temple--for the men of
Gakwak are the tidiest housewives in all that province. The last speaker
was the broom.

The Critics

While bathing, Antinous was seen by Minerva, who was so enamoured of his
beauty that, all armed as she happened to be, she descended from Olympus
to woo him; but, unluckily displaying her shield, with the head of Medusa
on it, she had the unhappiness to see the beautiful mortal turn to stone
from catching a glimpse of it. She straightway ascended to ask Jove to
restore him; but before this could be done a Sculptor and a Critic passed
that way and espied him.

"This is a very bad Apollo," said the Sculptor: "the chest is too narrow,
and one arm is at least a half-inch shorter than the other. The attitude
is unnatural, and I may say impossible. Ah! my friend, you should see my
statue of Antinous."

"In my judgment, the figure," said the Critic, "is tolerably good, though
rather Etrurian, but the expression of the face is decidedly Tuscan, and
therefore false to nature. By the way, have you read my work on 'The
Fallaciousness of the Aspectual in Art'?"

The Foolish Woman

A Married Woman, whose lover was about to reform by running away,
procured a pistol and s