A Politician seeing a fat Turkey which he wanted for dinner, baited a
hook with a grain of corn and dragged it before the fowl at the end of a
long and almost invisible line. When the Turkey had swallowed the hook,
the Politician ran, drawing the creature after him.

"Fellow-citizens," he cried, addressing some turkey-breeders whom he met,
"you observe that the man does not seek the bird, but the bird seeks the
man. For this unsolicited and unexpected dinner I thank you with all my
heart."

His Fly-Speck Majesty

A Distinguished Advocate of Republican Institutions was seen pickling his
shins in the ocean.

"Why don't you come out on dry land?" said the Spectator. "What are you
in there for?"

"Sir," replied the Distinguished Advocate of Republican Institutions, "a
ship is expected, bearing His Majesty the King of the Fly-Speck Islands,
and I wish to be the first to grasp the crowned hand."

"But," said the Spectator, "you said in your famous speech before the
Society for the Prevention of the Protrusion of Nail Heads from Plank
Sidewalks that Kings were blood-smeared oppressors and hell-bound
loafers."

"My dear sir," said the Distinguished Advocate of Republican
Institutions, without removing his eyes from the horizon, "you wander
away into the strangest irrelevancies! I spoke of Kings in the
abstract."

The Pugilist's Diet

The Trainer of a Pugilist consulted a Physician regarding the champion's
diet.

"Beef-steaks are too tender," said the Physician; "have his meat cut from
the neck of a bull."

"I thought the steaks more digestible," the Trainer explained.

"That is very true," said the Physician; "but they do not sufficiently
exercise the chin."

The Old Man and the Pupil

A Beautiful Old Man, meeting a Sunday-school Pupil, laid his hand
tenderly upon the lad's head, saying: "Listen, my son, to the words of
the wise and heed the advice of the righteous."

"All right," said the Sunday-school Pupil; "go ahead."

"Oh, I haven't anything to do with it myself," said the Beautiful Old
Man. "I am only observing one of the customs of the age. I am a
pirate."

And when he had taken his hand from the lad's head, the latter observed
that his hair was full of clotted blood. Then the Beautiful Old Man went
his way, instructing other youth.

The Deceased and his Heirs

A Man died leaving a large estate and many sorrowful relations who
claimed it. After some years