* * * * *

When a woman finds her dress does not match her complexion, it is
always easy enough to change her complexion.

* * * * *

"My friend," said the long-coated old man, solemnly, "have you
made preparation for the day of judgment?"

"Sir," replied the young man, "that's how I make my living."

"Young man!"

"I'm employed in the sheriffs office."

* * * * *

"George, you look exhausted," she said to him as he was putting
on his hat and coat.

"Yes," he answered, glancing towards his daughter at the piano.
"I'm played out."

* * * * *

Of the heroine in one of the latest sensational novels it is
said: "Her eyes chained him to the spit." She must have been
links-eyed.

* * * * *

"Do I bore you?" asked the mosquito, politely, as he sunk a
half-inch shaft into the man's leg.

"Not at all," replied the man, squashing him with a book. "How do
I strike you?"

* * * * *

"How did that fight between the bridge tenders end?"

"It was fought to a draw--and they both fell in!"

* * * * *

What kind of essence does a young man like when he pops the
question? Acquiescence.

* * * * *

MASHINGTON--What's the matter with your clock? It's stopped.

TAILOR--I never wind it up. I use it as a motto.

"What do you mean?"

"No tick here."

* * * * *

The hawk was dozing. "You look," said the jay, from a safe
distance, "as if you were full."

"Well," the hawk admitted, "I have just been having a little lark
that was a bird."

* * * * *

"You ought to be very proud of your wife. She is a brilliant
talker."

"You're right there."

"Why, I could listen to her all night."

"I have to."

* * * * *

"I once knew a man who, with the aid of a microscope, made a
harness for a flea."

"Humph!" replied the other, "that's nothing. I saw that same flea
harnessed."

* * * * *

"You want a divorce from your wife, do you?"

"Yes, sir, I do."

"What grounds?"

"Incompatability. She and the cook are quarreling continually."

* * * * *

"How about the lazy man who hurt his eye lo