down in a match factory."

"How is business?"

"Light."

* * * * *

An Irish doctor advertises that the deaf may hear of him at a
house in Liffey street, where his blind patients may see him from
ten till three.

* * * * *

"Where are you going, my pretty maid?"

"Out automobiling, sir," she said.

"May I go with you, my pretty maid?"

"If you can steer the old thing, you may," she said.

* * * * *

A painter, who fell off a scaffold with a pot of paint in each
hand said: "well, I came down with flying colors, anyhow."

* * * * *

--"I'm very sorry for that boy. Your scolding cut him to the
quick."

--"That's impossible. He has no quick. He's a messenger boy."

* * * * *

A lady one day being in need of some small change called
down-stairs to the cook and enquired: "Mary, have you any
'coppers' down there?" "Yes, mum, I've two; but if you please,
mum, they're both me cousins," was the unexpected reply.

* * * * *

"When I was eating my dinner to-day the butter ran."

"That's nothing. I was up-town last night and saw a cake walk."

* * * * *

SHE--"They say that your father is a millionaire. Is it true?"

HE--"Yes; and, strange to say, I am one also."

SHE--"How do you make that out?"

HE--"Why, I am the only child, therefore I am a _million heir_,
of course."

* * * * *

Girls and billiard balls kiss each other with just about the same
amount of real feeling.

* * * * *

MISTRESS--"I am not quite satisfied with your references."

APPLICANT--"Naythur am I, mum; but they's the best I could get!"

* * * * *

"What are you writing such a big hand for, Pat?" "Why, you see my
grandmother is dafe, and I'm writing a loud letter to her."

* * * * *

"There was a terrible murder in the hotel to-day."

"Was there."

"Yes; a paper-hanger hung a border."

"It must have been a put-up job!"

* * * * *

As man and wife are one, the husband when seated with his wife,
must be beside himself.

* * * * *

"Well, Pat, and how is that bull-pup of yours doing?"

"Oh,