me is Peck. I've got four children. Don't four pecks make a
bushel?"

* * * * *

The weary desert stretched for miles. Stretched for sheer
weariness. Not a drop of water was in sight.

Then it was that the traveler had an inspiration.

He wrung his hands.

* * * * *

"Corbett and Fitzsimmons will never fight again."

"Why?"

"Because they can not get gloves to Fitzsimmons."

* * * * *

ASKIT-What is a convenient fall trip for me to take?

TELLIT-You might step on a banana peel or try to balance on a
cake of soap at the head of the stairs.

* * * * *

"There is but one thing," said the professor of medicine,
gravely, "that we know about death."

"And that is, sir?" queried the student.

"It is always fatal."

* * * * *

"Did you hear about Miss Jones?"

"No. What's up?"

"Why, she eloped with one of the boarders in the hotel."

"Oh, that was only a roomer!"

* * * * *

"When was money first invented?"

"I don't know. When was it?"

"When the dove brought the greenback to Noah."

* * * * *

"What a distinguished looking man."

"Yes, the last time I saw him he was on the bench."

"What, a judge?"

"No; a substitute ball-player."

* * * * *

HE--"Didn't you promise to love, honor and obey me?"

SHE--"Heaven only knows what I promised. I was listening to hear
what you promised."

* * * * *

THIN BOARDER--"I don't see how you manage to fare so well at this
boarding-house. I have industriously courted the landlady and all
her daughters, but I'm half-starved."

FAT BOARDER--"I court the cook."

* * * * *

"Why should a young man never raise his straw hat to a lady?"

"Because it is never felt."

* * * * *

JONES--"Well, we had an addition to our family yesterday."

SMITH--"You don't say so? Boy or girl?"

JONES--"Neither. It's my wife's mother."

* * * * *

DINER--"Hello! waiter, where is that ox-tail soup?"

WAITER--"Coming, sir--half a minute."

DINER--"Confound you! How slow you are."

WAITER--"Fault of the soup, sir. Ox-tail is always behind."

* * *