n't speak to your horses. They carry
tales." "All animals are not in cages. There are some dandelions
on the lawn."

* * * * *

She heard the fog-horn blowing,
"And what is that?" quoth she,
The sailor merrily
Replied: "it's just the dog-watch, ma'am,
Whose bark is on the sea."

* * * * *

"She thinks that her husband is very economical."

"In what way?"

"She says that although he is passionately fond of cloves, he
never eats but one at a time."

* * * * *

"I saw your sister on the street to-day."

"How was she looking?"

"I don't know. I didn't see her face."

"How did you know it was my sister?"

"Oh, I'm quick at figures."

* * * * *

"What is the secret of success?" asked the Sphinx.

"Push," said the Button.

"Never be led," said the Pencil.

"Take pains," said the Window.

"Always keep cool," said the Ice.

"Be up to date," said the Calendar.

"Never lose your head," said the Barrel.

"Make light of everything," said the Fire.

"Do a driving business," said the Hammer.

"Aspire to greater things," said the Nutmeg.

"Be sharp in all your dealings," said the Knife.

"Find a good thing and stick to it," said the Glue.

"Do the work you are suited for," said the Chimney.

* * * * *

He kissed her on the cheek;
It seemed a harmless frolic;
He's been laid up a week--
They say, with painter's colic.

* * * * *

Charlemagne was in need of amusement.

"Why," they asked him, "do you have such a large number of court
jesters in constant attendance on your royal person?"

"Because," he replied, with a right regal chuckle, "I could not
earn the surname of 'The Great' were I not careful to keep my
wits about me."

* * * * *

A certain young man told his girl the other night that if she
didn't marry him he'd get a rope and hang himself right in front
of her home.

"Oh, please don't do it, Harry," she said. "You know father
doesn't want you hanging around here."

* * * * *

Three women may a secret keep
If, as it has been said,
There's one of the lot has heard it not
And the other two are dead.

* * * * *

Lovett