* *

"Only the highest element in local society was invited to the
ball."

"Oh, I see! It was a high-ball."

* * * * *

SHE--"A writer says that in order to succeed a man must be
ninety-five per cent. backbone."

HE--"Oh, I don't know. A good many who have managed to arrive are
ninety-five per cent. cheek."

* * * * *

SILLICUS--Do you think we shall know each other in the hereafter?

CYNICUS--I hope so. Few of us really know each other here.

* * * * *

Some fellows marry poor girls to settle down and others marry
rich ones to settle up.

* * * * *

Some people who jump at conclusions lose sight of the hurdles.

* * * * *

"It's a dridful bother to me that I have to be sewing buttons on
me own clothes. If I was only a married man I'd ask me woife
niver to allow our son to grow up an ould batchler like his
fayther."

* * * * *

SHE--You can't eat cake and keep it.

HE--Oh, yes, you can--the kind you make.

* * * * *

Says his lordship to Thomas, "Your rent I must raise,
I'm so plaguily pinch'd for the pelf."
"Raise my rent!" replies Thomas; "your honor's main good.
For I never can _raise it_ myself."

* * * * *

SCENE--Cabstand. Lady distributing tracts, hands one to cabby,
who glances at it, hands it back and says politely, "Thank you,
lady, but I'm a married man." Lady nervously looks at the title,
and reading, "Abide with me," hurriedly departs, to the great
amusement of cabby.

* * * * *

SENTIMENTAL WIFE--Last night I dreamt that I was in heaven.

GRUFF HUSBAND--You did, eh? Why the deuce didn't you stay there?

* * * * *

He said to her: "You're just a bird!"
"Then, Johnnie, dear," said she,
"If all is true that I have heard,
A bottle goes with me."

* * * * *

A Frankfort man has written a farce comedy called "Vaccine." It
ought to take.

* * * * *

As the umpire shouted "Three balls!" the batsman started
guiltily.

"This isn't the first time I've raised something on a diamond,"
he muttered, as he hit the next one and knocked a pop-f