I don't believe in spanking a
boy on a full stomach.' I said, 'neither do I. Turn him over-'"

* * * * *

The tramp should never complain of hunger when he can always
enjoy a little loaf.

* * * * *

"My face is my fortune, sir," she said,
But her suitor saw right through her;
She meant she could not cash a check,
Unless the banker knew her.

* * * * *

"I understand that Judge Brown is breaking up housekeeping."

"That can't be. He's very busy these days deciding divorce
cases."

"Well, isn't that what I said?"

* * * * *

"That was a pretty good dog story, wasn't it?" asked Dinwiddie,
as he finished telling one.

"Yes," replied Gaswell; "but it was too long. It ought to have
been curtailed."

* * * * *

Casey bet on a horse which finished last. He went down to the
paddock, called out the jockey who had ridden him and said: "In
hivin's name, young man, phwat delayed you?"

* * * * *

"And you really think that a miss is as good as a mile?"

"Yaas, and a good deal better, for one can kiss a miss, when one
couldn't kiss a mile, don'cher know?"

* * * * *

FRIEND--Do you permit your wife to have her own way?

HUSBAND (positively)--No, sir. She has it without my permission.

* * * * *

"I'm not surprised that hair-dressers feel so much at ease in the
society of the great."

"You're not?"

"No; they are surrounded at home by any number of big-wigs."

* * * * *

She--They say the eyes are the windows of the soul, I believe.

He--Yes; and when a man goes into a drug store and shuts a window
quickly, the clerk knows just about what the poor soul wants.

* * * * *

BOY (with new gun)--"Pa, has a cat got nine lives?"

PAPA (donor of gun)--"Yes, so we are told. Why do you ask?"

BOY--"Well, then, Mr. Brown's tabby's got eight coming to her."

* * * * *

"What became of that girl you made love to in the hammock?"

"We fell out."

* * * * *

"Did you hear the story about the peacock?"

"No."

"It's a beautiful tale."

* * * * *

"Boss, ha