you boost alone!
When you roast good and loud
You will find that the crowd
Has a hammer as big as your own!

* * * * *

"How did you cure your boy of swearing?"

"By the laying on of hands, principally."

* * * * *

"Ma, what is a Panama man called?"

"A Panaman, Johnny."

"Then what is a Panama woman?"

"If she's married and obeys President Roosevelt she's just a
plain Panama."

* * * * *

He who courts and goes away,
May court again another day;
But he who weds and courts girls still
May go to court against his will.

* * * * *

A notice at a small depot near Manchester reads:

"Passengers are requested to cross over the railway by the
subway."

This reminds us of the oft-quoted notice put up at the ford of an
Irish river:

"When this board is under water the river is unpassable."

* * * * *

Mary had a little lamb,
But she thought it was immense:
With new green peas and other things
It cost her ninety cents.

* * * * *

LITTLE WILLIE--Papa, why does the railway company have those
cases with the ax and saw in every car?

FATHER--I presume they are put in to use in case anyone wants to
open a window.

* * * * *

The kerosene can on the mantel reposes,
Its contents were sprinkled all over the fire,
And all that poor Kathleen O'Donohue knows is,
This dull world has changed for a sphere that is higher.

* * * * *

"He seems to have gone to the bad completely."

"Yes; I believe he found himself between the devil and the deep
sea, and he realized that he couldn't swim."

* * * * *

As he walked with baby
He had to confess
That marriage with him
Was a howling success.

* * * * *

THE SPINSTER--How many lodges did you say your husband belonged
to?

THE WIFE--Fifteen.

THE SPINSTER--My goodness! just think of a man being out fifteen
nights a week! Well, I'm glad that I'm an old maid.

* * * * *

Seven little missionaries--
Horrible their fate--
Cannibals picked clean their bones
Then they were ate.