ly to the
pitcher.

* * * * *

HUSBAND--"Where's your mistress? She said she'd be ready in a
minute, and I've waited half an hour."

MAID--"She'll be down in a second, sir. She's changing her
complexion to match her new gown."

* * * * *

"Ah! I'm saddest when I sing,"
She sang in plaintive key;
And all the neighbors yelled,
"So are we! so are we."

* * * * *

"Pa, what does Sioux Falls, S.D., mean?"

"Eh? Sioux Falls is the name of a town."

"And what's S.D.?"

"Swift divorce, of course."

* * * * *

A watch's fate is hard indeed,
For when it's not in soak
It's set back if it gets ahead
And scorned whene'er it's broke.

* * * * *

After wedding a rich heiress, Price
Said, "Gambling's a terrible vice,
But one thing I know,
This matching for dough
Is a thing that's exceedingly nice."

* * * * *

Firemen, as well as other people, like to talk of their flames.

* * * * *

The speaker of the house is in deadly peril when every member on
the floor wants to get his eye.

* * * * *

I asked a young lady living on her pa's farm what they did with
all their fruit? Says she: "We eat all we can and can all we
can't."

* * * * *

REGULAR CALLER--"I'd like to see your father, Tommy, if he isn't
engaged."

TOMMY--"He is; but what is the matter with Clara? She isn't
engaged."

* * * * *

"What is a swell affair, Jim?"

"Swell affair! lemme see. Ah! yes, I know--a boil."

"Something else, try again."

"No, give it up."

"A hill, ye know. Don't ye see, a hill is a swell affair, and
besides all hills have got crests."

* * * * *

"There's a great art," says Mickey Dolan, "in knowing what not to
know whin yez don't want to know it."

* * * * *

"And so Prof. Greene has at last discovered the missing link!
Where did he find it?"

"Under the bureau, I understand."

* * * * *

"Young ladies who feel anxious to preserve the most symmetrical
anatomical proportions, should never be in a hurry. They shou