-Who is being lowered into a well; "Sthop, will ye, Murphy?
Oi want to coom up again."

MURPHY--Still letting him down, "Phat for?"

PAT--"Oi'll Show ye. Af ye don't sthop lettin' me doon, Oi'll cut
the rope."

* * * * *

It is a Maine husband who has dubbed his wife "Crystal," because
she is always "on the watch."

* * * * *

"So Maude is happily married?"

"Happily? I should say she is! Why she married a somnambulist,
who gets up in his sleep every morning and builds the fire."

* * * * *

Two Hebrews went to a Mills Hotel and were obliged to take a bath
before retiring.

Upon beholding each other, one shouted in surprise, "Oh, Abey,
how dirty you are!"

"Vell, what you tink?" said Abey, "I'm three years older dan
you."

* * * * *

A teacher in a high school asked a little wad of an Irish boy to
describe a lake. "Sure and it is hole in the kettle."

* * * * *

The first kiss only comes once in a lifetime.

The trouble with the fellow who loses his temper is that he
always finds it again.

The man who plays the bass drum should have no difficulty in
beating his way.

An amateur performance for charity demonstrates that charity
uncovers a multitude of sins.

It takes a musical crank to play a hand organ.

It is possible to square yourself without resorting to cube root.

While some people mount upward to the pinnacle of fame, others
reach the height of folly.

A faint heart may never win a fair lady, but five of them have
won many a jackpot.

* * * * *

The portrait tumbled from the wall
And hit the young man's head.
"A striking likeness!" That was all
The rueful punster said.

* * * * *

The fact that a man has not cut his hair for ten or twelve years
need not necessarily imply that he is eccentric. He may be bald.

* * * * *

When a couple are about to elope the young man asks, "Does your
mother know your route?"

* * * * *

"I will not sit that way!" angrily screamed the obstinate lady in
the photographer's gallery. "I can't, and I won't; so there!"

"Madame," said the photographer, "it will be impossible for me to
make a good negative of you unless you quit b