* * * * *

JUDGE--You are charged with profanity.

PRISONER--I am not.

JUDGE--You are, sir. What do you mean?

PRISONER--I was, but I got rid of it.

* * * * *

"I hate a liar," Wiggins cried,
Said Jiggins, "Then 'twould seem
You really ought to try and hide
Your lack of self-esteem."

* * * * *

"Kind lady," remarked the weary wayfarer, "can you oblige me with
something to eat?"

"Go to the woodshed and take a few chops," replied the kind lady.

* * * * *

Lady (after the tramp finishes eating)--It's merely a
suggestion--the woodpile is in the back yard.

Tramp--You don't say! What a splendid place for a woodpile!

* * * * *

Said she, "How beautiful is nature!"
Said the young man, "Yes, quite true;"
Then, added, as he viewed her complexion,
"And art is quite beautiful, too."

* * * * *

"How to make your trousers last,"
"Make your coat and waistcoat first."

* * * * *

The stork is a bird with a great big bill;
He brings us the babies whenever he will;
Then comes the doctor, and when he is through,
You find that he has a big bill, too.

* * * * *

"Dearest," whispered Cordelia, after she had captured the coveted
solitaire, "I have a confession to make. I am a cooking school
graduate."

Clarence shuddered.

"Oh, well," he rejoined, after the manner of one resigned to his
fate, "we can board."

* * * * *

If t-o-u-g-h spells tough,
And d-o-u-g-h spells dough,
Does s-n-o-u-g-h spell snuff?
Or, simply snow?

* * * * *

THE WIFE (savagely)--Don't let me catch you flirting.

THE HUSBAND (meekly)--No, dear, never again. That's the way you
did catch me, you know!

* * * * *

He called her an angel before they were wed,
But that, alas! didn't endure.
For ere many months had passed over his head,
He wished that she was one for sure.

* * * * *

Elderly Man (greeting former acquaintance)--"I remember your face
perfectly, miss, but your name has escaped me."

The Young Woman--"I don't wonder