as young as they think they feel."

* * * * *

At a West End hotel one of the party asked:

"Have you got any celery, waiter?"

"No, sir," was the significant answer; "I relies on me tips."

* * * * *

YEAST--Did you ever try to dye eggs?

CRIMSONBEAK--No, I never did; but I've tried 'em after they were
dead.

* * * * *

A dude from St. Louis named Crute
Had a habit of saying, "Oh, shoot!"
He said it one day
To a man in Ouray,
And that was the finish of Crute.

* * * * *

"How is your house heated?"

"By hot air."

"Hot air?"

"Yes--the landlord's."

* * * * *

"I want to get a head of cabbage," said the man who had been sent
to market.

"Large or small head?" asked the grocer.

"Oh, about 7 1-4," said the man, absent-mindedly.

* * * * *

"I'll pass the butter," said he, while trying to pass the
browsing goat.

"I'll butt the passer," said the goat, as he helped him over the
fence.

* * * * *

"Yes, he's got a flying-machine ready for a trial now and he's
trying hard not to be proud?"

"Why shouldn't he be proud?"

"Well, pride goes before a fall, you know."

* * * * *

"He has none of the finer sensibilities, nothing to distinguish
him from the common herd."

"No?"

"No, sir. I've heard him confess, out of his own mouth, that all
autos smell alike to him."--_Puck._

* * * * *

"Why did you insist on only $99,000 a year as your salary?"

"Because," answered the high financier, "as soon as people hear a
hundred thousand mentioned they get suspicious. It is better to
keep the figure marked down a little."

* * * * *

Tom--I kissed her when she wasn't looking.

Clara--What did she do?

Tom--Kept her eyes closed the rest of the evening.

* * * * *

Jenks--Why on earth did you laugh so heartily at that ancient
jest of Borem's?

Wise--In self-defense.

Jenks--in self-defence?

Wise--Yes; if I hadn't laughed so he would have repeated the
thing, thinking I hadn't seen the point.

* * * * *

There is as much strength in an egg as in a pound of meat.