of his cigars. Just keeps it in his
mouth and chews the end. I've often wondered why."

"You wouldn't if you had ever smoked one of them."

* * * * *

Jones the dentist, ought to make a good poker player.

Why?

He draws and fills so well.

* * * * *

Customer (to the coal dealer): "Have you got any name for those
scales of yours?"

"I never heard of scales having a name."

"Well, you ought to call your scales Ambush. You see, they are
always lying in weight."

* * * * *

FIRST SENIOR--Heard about Exsheff? He went down into South
Africa, and he's come home a regular repository of Zulu
spearheads and Boer bullets.

SECOND SENIOR--I always said he had good metal in him.

* * * * *

"What makes your sister so stout now, she used to be very thin?"

"She's working down in a photographer's."

"Why, how does that make any difference?"

"Well, she's in the developing room most of the time."

* * * * *

JACK--"Are you a suitor for Miss Juliet's hand?"

TOM--"Yes; but I didn't."

"Didn't what?"

"Suit her."

* * * * *

"What's the matter with Smith?"

"Why?"

"He goes along as abstractedly as though he were drunk and were
seeing double."

"He is. They have twins at his home."

* * * * *

Business men who marry their typewriter girls are apt to find
that the young women are not so ready to submit to dictation
after the wedding.

* * * * *

The first impulse of the young married man, on being presented
with his first baby, is to give it a-weigh.

* * * * *

MRS. B.--Have you seen the new dance called "The Automobile?"

MR. B.--No; sort of breakdown, I suppose?

* * * * *

A young lady in Philadelphia is said to have had five lovers, all
named Samuel. Her photograph album must be a book of Sams.

* * * * *

"You should sleep on your right side, madam."

"I really can't do it, doctor; my husband talks in his sleep, and
I can't hear a thing with my left ear."

* * * * *

There is a Presbyterian in Jersey City so openly opposed to
baptism by immersion that he refuses to carry a Waterbury wat