--

"Sure! Told him it was just the thing for him. He's a pugilist
and wants to increase his reach."

* * * * *

An English motorist is quoted as saying that he classed
pedestrians as the quick and the dead: those who got out of the
way and those who didn't.

* * * * *

"Yes, dear," said the petted young wife, examining her Christmas
gift, "these diamond earrings are pretty, but the stones are
awfully small."

"Of course, my dear," replied the diplomat husband, "but if they
were any larger they'd be all out of proportion to the size of
your ears."

* * * * *

Two Irish farmers who had not seen each other for a long time met
at a fair. They had a lot of things to tell each other. "Shure,
it's married I am," said Murphy. "You don't tell me so," said
Moran. "Faix, yes," said Murphy, "an' I've got a fine healthy
bhoy which the neighbors say is the very picture of me." Moran
looked for a moment at Murphy, who was not, to say the least,
remarkable for his good looks, and then said, "Och, well, what's
the harum so long as the child's healthy?"

* * * * *

A bashful young couple, who were evidently very much in love,
entered a crowded street car in Boston the other day. "Do you
suppose we can squeeze in here?" he asked, looking doubtfully at
her blushing face.

"Don't you think, dear, we had better wait until we get home?"
was the low, embarrassed, reply.

* * * * *

"When the old man is shaking down the furnace, carrying out the
ashes, feeding the cat and six kittens, and making the beds,"
remarked the observer of events and things, "of course he is too
busy to hear his daughter in the parlor, singing: 'Everybody
Works but Father.'"

* * * * *

"I assured her I could support her in the style she was
accustomed to."

"Well?"

"She said she was looking for something better than that."

* * * * *

"Do you believe in transmigration of souls?"

"Well," answered the man who never admits that he doesn't know
everything, "I wouldn't recommend it as a regular practice."

* * * * *

"After all, you know," said Mr. Oldbeau, "a man is only as old as
he feels"----

"Yes," said Miss Pepprey, "but some old men make the mistake of
thinking they are