ch and willow."

* * * * *

"Did you ever consider the case of the boy who stood on the
burning deck?"

"Not particularly. Why?"

"Well, the game was poker and the hand had been dealt from the
burning deck was a corker; so, as he didn't want to lose any
chances, he--but you see?"

"I don't know as I do."

"Why, he stood pat."

* * * * *

The Governess--What happened when the man killed the goose that
laid the golden egg, Margie?

Little Margie--Why, I guess his goose was cooked.

* * * * *

"Our new Congressman has made himself very popular."

"What has he done?"

"Introduced a bill declaring it a penal offence for a man to ask
for a haircut or shampoo on Saturday afternoon."

* * * * *

"In my business," said the stock broker, "It is impossible to
succeed without pluck."

"Huh!" snorted the man who had been up against it, "you mean
'plucking,' don't you?"

* * * * *

Servant--The plumber says this check should be $5 more.

Castleton--But it's the amount asked for.

"Yes, sir. But you've kept him waitin' for nearly an
hour."--_Life._

* * * * *

Tom--What's that? A two-dollar bill! You told me this morning
that you were broke.

Jack--Well, I want you to understand that Japan isn't the only
one that can borrow money.

* * * * *

"Yes, indeed, he's the homeliest man in public life to-day.
Haven't you ever seen him?"

"No, but I've seen caricatures of him."

"Oh, they flatter him. You should see him."

* * * * *

SPECIAL RULES FOR GUESTS.

1--Guests are requested not to speak to the dumb waiter.

2--Guests wishing to get up without being called can have
self-raising flour for supper.

3--The hotel is supported by a beautiful cemetery; hearses to
hire, 25c. a day.

4--Guests wishing to do a little driving will find a hammer and
nails in the closet.

5--If the room gets too warm, open the window and see the fire
escape.

6--If you're fond of athletics and like good jumping, lift the
mattress and see the bed spring.

7--If your lamp goes out, take a feather out of the pillow; that's
light enough for any room.

8--Any one troubled with nightmare will find a halter on th