others, the mothers are rulers of the
fathers, and consequently _I am master_ of the whole parish."

CCCLXIV.--SHORT STORIES.

SIR WALTER SCOTT once stated that he kept a lowland laird waiting for
him in the library at Abbotsford, and that when he came in he found the
laird deep in a book which Sir Walter perceived to be Johnson's
Dictionary. "Well, Mr. ----," said Sir Walter, "how do you like your
book?"--"They're vera pretty stories, Sir Walter," replied the laird;
"but they're unco' _short_."

CCCLXV.--ON A LADY WHO SQUINTED.

IF ancient poets Argus prize,
Who boasted of a hundred eyes,
Sure greater praise to her is due,
Who looks a hundred ways with two.

CCCLXVI.--AN ORIGINAL ATTRACTION.

FOOTE one evening announced, for representation at the Haymarket
Theatre, "The Fair Penitent," to be performed, for that night only, by a
_black lady of great accomplishments_.

CCCLXVII.--DEMOCRATIC VISION.

HORNE TOOKE, being asked by George III. whether he played at cards,
replied, "I cannot, your Majesty, tell a _king_ from a _knave_."

CCCLXVIII.--FISHY, RATHER.

LORD ELLENBOROUGH, on his return from Hone's trial, suddenly stopped his
carriage at Charing Cross, and said, "It occurs to me that they sell the
best herrings in London at that shop. Buy six."

CCCLXIX.--LIGHT BREAD.

A BAKER has invented a new kind of yeast. It makes bread so light that a
_pound_ of it weighs only _twelve_ ounces.

CCCLXX.--SOMETHING LIKE AN INSULT.

THE late Judge C---- one day had occasion to examine a witness who
stuttered very much in delivering his testimony. "I believe," said his
lordship, "you are a very great rogue."--"Not so great a rogue as _you_
my lord,--t-t-t-take me to be."

CCCLXXI.--ON CHARLES KEAN, THE ACTOR.

AS Romeo, Kean, with awkward grace,
On velvet rests, 'tis said;
Ah! did he seek a softer place,
He'd rest upon his head.

CCCLXXII.--POLITICAL CORRUPTION.

CURRAN, when opposed to Lord Clare, said that he reminded him of a
chimney-sweep, who had raised himself by dark and dusky ways, and then
called aloud to his neighbors to witness his _dirty_ elevation.

CCCLXXIII.--A QUAKERLY OBJECTION.

A QUAKER being asked his opinion of phrenology, replied indignantly,
"Friend, there can be no good in a science that compels a man to _take
off_ his hat!"

CCCLXXIV.