was going to Margate, and I thought the
school-bell was the steamboat-bell."--"Very well," said the master, glad
of any pretext to excuse his favorite. "And now, sir," turning to the
other, "what have you to say?"--"Please, sir," said the puzzled boy,
"_I--I--was waiting to see Tom off_!"

DXI.--ANTICIPATION.

LORD AVONDALE, Chief Baron of the Exchequer, was much given to
anticipation. A lawyer once observed in his presence, "Coming through
the market just now I saw a butcher, with his knife, going to kill a
calf; at that moment a child ran across him, and he killed ----" "O, my
goodness!--he killed _the child_!" exclaimed his lordship. "No, my lord,
_the calf_; but you will always anticipate."

DXII.--THE BEST JUDGE.

A LADY said to her husband, in Jerrold's presence:--

"My dear, you certainly want some new trousers."--"No, I think not,"
replied the husband.

"Well," Jerrold interposed, "I think the lady who always wears them
ought to know."

DXIII.--THE RIVALS.

A GOOD story of Gibbon is told in the last volume of Moore's Memoirs.
The _dramatis personae_ were Lady Elizabeth Foster, Gibbon the historian,
and an eminent French physician,--the historian and doctor being rivals
in courting the lady's favor. Impatient at Gibbon's occupying so much of
her attention by his conversation, the doctor said crossly to him,
"_Quand milady Elizabeth Foster sera malade de vos fadaises, je la
guerirai_." [When my Lady Elizabeth Foster is made ill by your twaddle,
I will cure her.] On which Gibbon, drawing himself up grandly, and
looking disdainfully at the physician, replied, "_Quand milady Elizabeth
Foster sera morte de vos recettes, je l'im-mor-taliserai_." [When my
Lady Elizabeth Foster is dead from your recipes I will immortalize her.]

DXIV.--DEAD LANGUAGE.

AMONG the many English who visited Paris in 1815 was Alderman Wood, who
had previously filled the office of Lord Mayor of London. He ordered a
hundred visiting cards, inscribing upon them. "Alderman Wood, _feu Lord
Maire de Londres_," which he distributed amongst people of rank, having
translated the word "late" into "_feu_," which we need hardly state
means "dead."

DXV.--WALPOLIANA.

SIR JOHN GERMAIN was so ignorant, that he is said to have left a legacy
to Sir Matthew Decker, as the _author_ of St. Matthew's Gospel.

Churchill (General C----, a natural son of the Marlborough family) asked
Pulteney the ot