clubs, and tied
it to the handle. A friend coming along, and observing the jug, quietly
remarked: "That's an awful careless way to leave that liquor!"--"Why?"
said Tom. "Because somebody might come along with the _eight_ of clubs
and take it!"

CDXXX.--"AYE! THERE'S THE RUB."

A GENTLEMAN, playing at piquet, was much teased by a looker-on who was
short-sighted, and, having a very long nose, greatly incommoded the
player. To get rid of the annoyance, the player took out his
handkerchief, and applied it to the nose of his officious neighbor. "Ah!
sir," said he, "I beg your pardon, but I really took it for _my own_."

CDXXXI.--MORAL EQUALITY OF MAN.

ALL honest men, whether counts or cobblers, are of the same rank, if
classed by moral distinctions.

CDXXXII.--A SILK GOWN.

GRATTAN said of Hussey Burgh, who had been a great Liberal, but, on
getting his silk gown, became a Ministerialist, that all men knew silk
to be a non-conducting body, and that since the honorable member had
been enveloped _in silk_, no spark of _patriotism_ had reached his
heart.

CDXXXIII.--EPIGRAM BY A PLUCKED MAN.

EVERY Cantab, it is presumed, knows where Shelford Fen is, and that it
is famous for rearing geese. A luckless wight, who had the misfortune to
be _plucked_ at his examination for the degree of B.A., when the Rev. T.
Shelford was his examiner, made the following extemporaneous epigram:--

"I have heard they _plucked_ geese upon _Shelford_ Fen,
But never till now knew that _Shelford_ plucked men."

CDXXXIV.--THE MEASURE OF A BRAIN.

ONE afternoon, when Jerrold was in his garden at Putney, enjoying a
glass of claret, a friend called upon him. The conversation ran on a
certain dull fellow, whose wealth made him prominent at that time.

"Yes," said Jerrold, drawing his finger round the edge of his wineglass,
"that's the range of his intellect, only it had never anything half so
good in it."

CDXXXV.--FOOTE AND LORD TOWNSEND.

FOOTE, dining one day with Lord Townsend, after his duel with Lord
Bellamont, the wine being bad, and the dinner ill-dressed, made Foote
observe, that he could not discover what reason could compel his
lordship to fight, when he might have effected his purpose with much
more ease to himself. "How?" asked his lordship. "How?" replied the wit,
"why you should have given him a _dinner_ like this, and _poisoned
him_."

CDXXXVI.--