UNREASONABLE.

"TOM," said a colonel to one of his men, "how can so good and brave a
soldier as you get drunk so often?"--"Colonel," replied he, "how can you
expect all the _virtues_ that adorn the human character for _sixpence_
a-day?"

CDXXXVII.--AN HONEST WARRANTY.

A GENTLEMAN once bought a horse of a country-dealer. The bargain
concluded, and the money paid, the gentleman said, "Now, my friend, I
have bought your horse, what are his faults?"--"I know of no faults that
he has, except two," replied the man; "and _one_ is, that he is hard to
catch."--"Oh! never mind that," said the buyer, "I will contrive to
catch him at any time, I will engage; but what is the other?"--"Ah, sir!
that is the worst," answered the fellow; "he is good for nothing when
you _have_ caught him."

CDXXXVIII.--THE REASON WHY.

A MAN said the only reason why his dwelling was not blown away in a late
storm was, because there was a _heavy mortgage_ on it.

CDXXXIX.--BLOTTING IT OUT.

MATHEWS'S attendant, in his last illness, intending to give him his
medicine, gave in mistake some ink from a phial on a shelf. On
discovering the error, his friend exclaimed, "Good heavens! Mathews, I
have given you ink."--"Never--never mind, my boy--never mind," said
Mathews, faintly, "I'll swallow a bit--of _blotting-paper_."

CDXL.--CLERICAL WIT.

AN old gentleman of eighty-four having taken to the altar a young damsel
of about sixteen, the clergyman said to him, "The _font_ is at the other
end of the church."--"What do I want with the font?" said the old
gentleman. "Oh! I beg your pardon," said the clerical wit, "I thought
you had brought _this child to be christened_."

CDXLI.--A NICE DISTINCTION.

NED SHUTER thus explained his reasons for preferring to wear stockings
with holes to having them darned:--"A hole," said he, "may be the
_accident_ of a day, and will pass upon the best gentleman, but _a darn_
is premeditated poverty."

CDXLII.--WIT AND QUACKERY.

A CELEBRATED quack, while holding forth on a stage of Chelmsford, in
order to promote the sale of his medicine, told the people that he came
there for their good, and not for want. And then addressing his Merry
Andrew, "Andrew," said he, "do we come here _for want_?"--"No faith,
sir," replied Andrew, "we have _enough_ of that at home."

CDXLIII.--WIT DEFINED.

DRYDEN'S description of wit is excellent. He says:--