which the laird replied only by nods and smiles,
without saying a word. When, however, the candidate was gone, he looked
across to his goose, and emphatically remarked, "I'm thinkin' yon windy
chiel'll no _tell muckle_ that you and I _said_ till him."

DCLXXXI.--PLAIN LANGUAGE.

MR. JOHN CLERK, in pleading before the House of Lords one day, happened
to say, in his broadest Scotch accent, "In plain English, ma Lords;"
upon which Lord Eldon jocosely remarked, "In plain Scotch, you mean, Mr.
Clerk." The prompt advocate instantly rejoined, "Na matter! in plain
_common sense_, ma Lords, and that's the same in a' languages, ye'll
ken."

DCLXXXII.--A SETTLER.

A FARMER, in a stage-coach with Charles Lamb, kept boring him to death
with questions in the jargon of agriculturists about crops. At length he
put a poser--"And pray, sir, how are turnips t'year?"--"Why that, sir,"
stammered out Lamb, "will _depend_ upon the boiled legs of mutton."

DCLXXXIII.--CASH PAYMENTS.

PETERSON the comedian lent a brother actor two shillings, and when he
made a demand for the sum, the debtor, turning peevishly from him, said,
"Hang it! I'll pay you to-day in some shape or other." Peterson
good-humoredly replied, "I shall be much obliged to you, Tom, to let it
be as like _two shillings_ as you can."

DCLXXXIV.--LAWYER'S HOUSE.

THE lawyer's house, if I have rightly read,
Is built upon the fool or madman's head.

DCLXXXV.--A REASONABLE DEMAND.

COLONEL B---- was remarkably fat, and coming one night out of the
playhouse, called a chair; but while he was preparing to squeeze into
it, a friend, who was stepping into his chariot, called out to him,
"B----, I go by your door, and will set you down." B---- gave the
chairman a shilling, and was going; when one of them scratched his head,
and hoped his honor would give him more than a shilling. "For what, you
scoundrel? when I never got into your chair?"--"But consider the fright
your honor put us into," replied Pat,--"_consider the fright_!"

DCLXXXVI.--EBENEZER ADAMS.

THIS celebrated Quaker, on visiting a lady of rank, whom he found six
months after the death of her husband, sitting on a sofa covered with
black cloth, and in all the dignity of woe, approached her with great
solemnity, and gently taking her by the hand, thus accosted her: "So
friend, I see that thou hast not yet _forgiven_ God Almighty." This
seasonable