ts, however, were
walking up stairs and declined the proffered assistance. The attendants
were utterly astonished, and indignantly exclaimed, "Aigh, it's sare
cheenged times at Castle Grant, when gentlemens can gang to bed on their
_ain feet_."

DXCVII.--WORTHY OF CREDIT.

A GENTLEMAN was applied to by a crossing-sweeper for charity. The
gentleman replied, "I will remember you when I return."--"Please your
honor," says the man, "I'm ruined by the _credit_ I give in that way."

DXCVIII.--PAYING IN KIND.

A FARMER, having lost some ducks, was asked by the counsel for the
prisoner accused of stealing them to describe their peculiarity. After
he had done so, the counsel remarked, "They can't be such a rare breed,
as I have some like them in my yard."--"That's very likely," said the
farmer; "these are not the _only ducks_ of the same sort I've had stolen
lately."

DXCIX.--VERY SERIOUS.

A REGULAR physician being sent for by a quack, expressed his surprise at
being called in on an occasion apparently trifling. "Not so trifling,
neither," replied the quack; "for, to tell you the truth, I have, by
mistake, taken some of my OWN PILLS."

DC.--THE LATE LORD AUDLEY.

MR. PHILIP THICKNESSE, father of the late Lord Audley, being in want of
money, applied to his son for assistance. This being denied, he
immediately hired a cobbler's stall, directly opposite his lordship's
house, and put up a board, on which was inscribed, in large letters,
"Boots and shoes mended in the best and cheapest manner, by Philip
Thicknesse, _father_ of Lord Audley." His lordship took the hint, and
the board was removed.

DCI.--DELICATE HINT.

QUEEN CAROLINE, when Princess of Wales, in one of her shrewd letters,
says, "_My better half_, or my worse, which you choose, has been ill, I
hear, but nothing to make me hope or fear."

DCII.--A SCOTCH MEDIUM.

AFTER giving Sandy certain directions about kirk matters, the minister
sniffed once or twice, and remarked, "Saunders, I fear you have been
'tasting' (taking a glass) this morning."--"'Deed, sir," replied Sandy,
with the coolest effrontery, set off with a droll glance of his brown
eyes; "'Deed, sir, I was just ga'in' to observe I thocht there was a
smell o' speerits _amang us_ this mornin'!"

DCIII.--EPIGRAM.

A WATCH lost in a tavern! That's a crime;
Then see how men by drinking lose their time.
The watch kept