CDLXXXIII.--INGENUOUSNESS.

TWO young officers, after a mess-dinner, had very much ridiculed their
general. He sent for them, and asked them if what was reported to him
was true. "General," said one of them, "_it is_; and we should have said
much more if our _wine_ had not failed."

CDLXXXIV.--A NEW SPORT.

QUIN thought angling a very barbarous diversion; and on being asked why,
gave this reason: "Suppose some superior being should bait a hook with
venison, and go a-_Quinning_, I should certainly bite; and what a sight
should I be dangling in the air!"

CDLXXXV.--SYDNEY SMITH.

SYDNEY SMITH was once dining in company with a French gentleman, who had
been before dinner indulging in a number of free-thinking speculations,
and had ended by avowing himself a materialist. "Very good soup, this,"
said Mr. Smith. "_Oui, monsieur, c'est excellente_," was the reply.
"Pray, sir, do you _believe_ in a _cook_?" inquired Mr. Smith.

CDLXXXVI.--EPIGRAM ON THE DUKE OF ----'S CONSISTENCY.

THAT he's ne'er known to change his mind,
Is surely nothing strange;
For no one yet could ever find
He'd any mind to change.

CDLXXXVII.--A FAIR PROPOSAL.

"WHY don't you take off your hat?" said Lord F---- to a boy struggling
with a calf. "So I wull, sir," replied the lad; "if your lordship will
_hold_ my calf, I'll pull off my hat."

CDLXXXVIII.--A DOUBTFUL CREED.

JUDGE MAULE, in summing up a case of libel, and speaking of a defendant
who had exhibited a spiteful piety, observed, "One of these defendants,
Mr. Blank, is, it seems, a minister of religion--of _what_ religion does
not appear, but, to judge by his conduct, it cannot be any form of
Christianity." Severe.

CDLXXXIX.--A SATISFACTORY TOTAL.

A SCOTCH Minister, after a hard day's labor, and while at a "denner
tea," as he called it, kept incessantly praising the "haam," and stating
that "Mrs. Dunlop at hame was as fond o' haam like that as he was," when
the mistress kindly offered to send her the present of a ham. "It's unco
kin' o' ye, unco kin', but I'll no pit ye to the trouble; I'll just tak'
it hame on the horse afore me." When, on leaving, he mounted, and the
ham was put into a sack, but some difficulty was experienced in getting
it to lie properly. His inventive genius soon cut the Gordian-knot. "I
think, mistress, _a cheese_ in the ither en' wad mak' _a gran'
balance_." The