alled 'The Snak'"--"Oh! my Lord," said the
person, "I am satisfied; your Lordship has already convinced me _you did
not_ write the book."

DIII.--A SAFE APPEAL.

A PHYSICIAN once defended himself from raillery by saying, "I defy any
person whom I ever attended, to accuse me of ignorance or
neglect."--"That you may do safely," replied an auditor, "for you know,
doctor, _dead_ men tell no tales."

DIV.--A CAUTIOUS LOVER.

"WHEN I courted her," said Spreadweasel, "I took lawyer's advice, and
signed every letter to my love,--'Yours, without prejudice!'"--D.J.

DV.--THE SWORD AND THE SCABBARD.

A WAG, on seeing his friend with something under his cloak, asked him
what it was. "A poniard," answered he; but he observed that it was a
bottle: taking it from him, and drinking the contents, he returned it,
saying, "There, I give you the _scabbard_ back again."

DVI.--TOUCHING.

WHEN Lord Eldon resigned the Great Seal, a small barrister said, "To me
his loss is irreparable. Lord Eldon always behaved to me like _a
father_."--"Yes," remarked Brougham, "I understand he always treated you
like _a child_."

DVII.--THE COLLEGE BELL!

AT a party of college grandees, one of the big-wigs proposed that each
gentleman should toast his favorite _Belle_. When it came to the turn of
Dr. Barrett (who happened to be one of the _quorum_) to be called on for
the name of the fair object of his admiration, he very facetiously gave,
"The College Bell!" _Vivat Collegium Sancti Petri_!

DVIII.--FRENCH LANGUAGE.

WHEN some one was expatiating on the merits of the French language to
Mr. Canning, he exclaimed: "Why, what on earth, sir, can be expected of
a language which has but one word for _liking_ and _loving_, and puts a
fine woman and a leg of mutton on a par:--_J'aime Julie; J'aime un
gigot_!"

DIX.--EPIGRAM.

(On the alleged disinterestedness of a certain Prelate.)

HE says he don't think of himself,
And I'm to believe him inclined;
For by the confession, the elf
Admits that he's _out_ of his _mind_.

DX.--CERTAINLY NOT ASLEEP.

A COUNTRY schoolmaster had two pupils, to one of whom he was partial,
and to the other severe. One morning it happened that these two boys
were late, and were called up to account for it. "You must have heard
the bell, boys; why did you not come?"--"Please, sir," said the
favorite, "I was dreaming that I