ever he should have to go
before a jury himself he will get one for nothing."

DCX.--A GREAT DIFFERENCE.

"THE friends and opponents of the Bill," said a'Beckett, "are divided
into two very distinct classes,--the a-bility and the no-bility."

DCXI.--OXFORD AND CAMBRIDGE ACTORS.

KING JAMES had two comedies acted before him, the one at Cambridge, the
other at Oxford; that at Cambridge was called _Ignoramus_, an ingenious
thing, wherein one Mr. Sleep was a principal actor; the other at Oxford
was but a dull piece, and therein Mr. Wake was a prime actor. Which made
his Majesty merrily to say, that in Cambridge one _Sleep_ made him
_wake_, and in Oxford one _Wake_ made him _sleep_.

DCXII.--INQUEST--NOT EXTRAORDINARY.

GREAT Bulwer's works fell on Miss Basbleu's head,
And in a moment, lo! the maid was dead!
A jury sat, and found the verdict plain--
"She died of _milk and water on the brain_."

DCXIII.--STRANGE JETSUM.

A THIN old man, with a rag-bag in his hand, was picking up a number of
small pieces of whalebone which lay on the street. The deposit was of
such a singular nature, that we asked the quaint-looking gatherer how he
supposed they came there. "Don't know," he replied, in a squeaking
voice; "but I 'spect some unfortunate female was _wrecked_ hereabout
somewhere."

DCXIV.--THE TRUTH AT LAST.

A GOOD instance of absence of mind was an editor quoting from a rival
paper one of his own articles, and heading it, "Wretched Attempt at
Wit."

DCXV.--A PILL GRATIS.

A PERSON desirous of impressing Lord Ellenborough with his importance,
said, "I sometimes employ myself as a doctor."--"Very likely," remarked
his lordship; "but is any one fool enough to _employ you_ in that
capacity?"

DCXVI.--RATHER HARD.

WE are told that a member for old Sarum (consisting of one large
mansion) was once in danger of being pelted with stones; he would have
found it _hard_ to have been assailed with his _own constituents_.

DCXVII.--SCOTCH PENETRATION.

AN old lady who lived not far from Abbotsford, and from whom the "Great
Unknown" had derived many an ancient tale, was waited upon one day by
the author of "Waverley." On Scott endeavoring to conceal the
authorship, the old dame protested, "D'ye think, sir, I dinna ken my
_ain_ groats in ither folk's kail?"

DCXVIII.--A QUESTION OF TIME.

WHEN Jeremy Taylor was int