is willin' to bet one hundred and sixty acres of
land against fourteen dollars that ye can't live on it five years
without starvin' to death."

THE PROPOSAL

He was a morbid youth and a nervous lover. Often had he wished to tell
the maiden how he longed to make her all his own. Again and again had
his nerve failed him. But to-night there was a "do-or-die" look in his
eye.

They started for their usual walk, and rested awhile upon his favorite
seat--a gravestone in the village churchyard. A happy inspiration
seized him. "Maria," he said in trembling accents--"Maria! When you
die--how should you like to be buried here with my name on the stone
over you?"

KNEW MORE ABOUT HENS THAN HISTORY

After reading the famous poem, "The Landing of the Pilgrim Fathers," to
the class, the teacher said: "As a drawing exercise suppose you each
draw, according to your imagination, a picture of Plymouth Rock."

All but one little fellow set to work. He paused and finally raised his
hand.

"What is it, Edgar?" the teacher asked.

"Please, ma'am," Edgar piped out, "do you want us to draw a hen or a
rooster?"

CHARITY

Bishop Penhurst was talking, in Boston, about charity.

"Some charities," he said, "remind me of the cold, proud, beautiful lady
who, glittering with diamonds, swept forth from a charity ball at dawn,
crossed the frosty sidewalk, and entered her huge limousine.

"A beggar woman whined at the window:

"'Could ye give me a trifle for a cup of coffee, lady?'

"The lady looked at the beggar reproachfully.

"'Good gracious!' she said. 'Here you have the nerve to ask me for money
when I've been tangoing for you the whole night through! Home, James.'

"And she snapped the window shut in the beggar's face indignantly."

ADVICE TO MABEL

A London man just back from the States says that a little girl on the
train to Pittsburgh was chewing gum. Not only that, but she insisted on
pulling it out in long strings and letting it fall back into her mouth
again.

"Mabel!" said her mother in a horrified whisper. "Mabel, don't do that.
Chew your gum like a little lady."

NOT A NATIVE

A New York man took a run not long ago into Connecticut, to a town where
he had lived as a boy.

On his native heath he accosted a venerable old chap of some eighty
years, who proved to be the very person the Gothamite sought to answer
certain inquiries concerning the place. As the conversation proceeded
the New Yorker said: