ny
conditions."

Promptly at two o'clock the officer returned, to find Jim gone. He
searched long and diligently, but no trace of Jim. Finally he called,
lowly at first, then louder, seeking to know if Jim were in the vicinity
or had been captured. Finally came Jim's answering voice from out in the
middle of the river, "Here I be."

"What in the world are you doing out there?" asked the indignant
officer. "Did I not tell you not to leave your post?"

"I hain't moved, nuther," replied the indignant Jim; "the durn river's
riz."

BUSINESS IS BUSINESS

"May I see you privately?"

The well-dressed stranger approached the mayor of the suburban town with
the air of one who knew his business. When they were alone he said:

"I want to apply for the position of village burglar."

"Village burglar!"

"Yes, sir. I guarantee results, I only rob one house a week. This
includes a clean get-away. When a man, no matter how conscientious,
attempts any more than this, he is bound to deteriorate. By employing me
regularly you get the best results."

"What inducements do you offer?"

"Your village will be advertised regularly and in the most efficient
manner. I will guarantee to keep away all other burglars, thus insuring
the comfort and safety of your police. I return all goods stolen. If it
is necessary at any time to wound any of your citizens, I will pay half
of the hospital expenses. Salary five thousand a year. Can furnish
references."

"Nothing else?"

"My dear sir, what more do you want?"

The mayor shook his head, as rising, he indicated that the interview was
over.

"Sorry, my friend," he said, "that I can't accept your offer, but I am
just closing a contract with a man who not only will burglarize our
village regularly on your terms, but also will turn over to us as a
rebate one-half of the salary he gets from the burglary insurance
company that employs him."

HIS FAVORITE BEAST

Harris Dickson, on a hunting trip in Sunflower County, Mississippi, met
an old darky who had never seen a circus in his life. When the Big Show
came in the following season to Dickson's town of Vicksburg he sent for
the old man and treated him to the whole thing--arrival of the trains,
putting up the tents, grand free street parade, menagerie, main
performance, concert, side show, peanuts, red lemonade, and all.

The old darky followed his white patron through with popping eyes, but
saying never a word. Late in the afternoon