n character in his native city, had recently
shuffled off this mortal soil in destitute circumstances, although in
his earlier days he enjoyed financial prosperity.

A prominent merchant, an old friend of the family, attended the funeral
and was visibly affected as he gazed for the last time on his old friend
and associate.

The mourners were conspicuously few in number and some attention was
attracted by the sorrowing merchant. "The old gentleman was very dear to
you?" ventured one of the bearers after the funeral was over.

"Indeed, he was," answered the mourner. "Andy was one true friend. He
never asked me to lend him a cent, though I knew that he was practically
starving to death."

BLISSFUL IGNORANCE

It was during the nerve-racking period of waiting for the signal to go
over the top that a seasoned old sergeant noticed a young soldier fresh
from home visibly affected by the nearness of the coming fight. His face
was pale, his teeth chattering, and his knees tried to touch each other.
It was sheer nervousness, but the sergeant thought it was sheer funk.

"Tompkins," he whispered, "is it trembling you are for your dirty
skin?"

"No, no, sergeant," said he, making a brave attempt to still his limbs.
"I'm trembling for the Germans; they don't know I'm here."

GRATEFUL TO THE DOCTOR

A Chinaman was asked if there were good doctors in China.

"Good doctors!" he exclaimed. "China have best doctors in world. Hang
Chang one good doctor; he great; save life, to me."

"You don't say so! How was that?"

"Me velly bad," he said. "Me callee Doctor Han Kon. Give some medicine.
Get velly, velly ill. Me callee Doctor San Sing. Give more medicine. Me
glow worse--go die. Blimebly callee Doctor Hang Chang. He got no time;
no come. Save life."

HE MIGHT BE, BUT SHE WASN'T

Dinah had been troubled with a toothache for some time before she got up
enough courage to go to a dentist. The moment he touched her tooth she
screamed.

"What are you making such a noise for?" he demanded. "Don't you know
I'm a 'painless dentist'?"

"Well, sah," retorted Dinah, "mebbe yo' is painless, but Ah isn't."

A SPORTING PROPOSITION

An Arkansas man who intended to take up a homestead claim in a
neighboring state sought information in the matter from a friend.

"I don't remember the exact wording of the law," said the latter, "but I
can give ye the meanin' of it all right. It's like this: The government
of the United States