evening she was there and inquired how she was getting along. He
was told that she was improving.

Next day he called again, and was told she was still improving. This
went on for some time, each day the report being that his wife was
improving.

Finally, one day he called and said:

"How iss my wife?"

"She's dead."

He went out and met a friend, and the friend said:

"Well, how is your wife?"

"She's dead."

"Ooh! How terrible! What did she die of?"

"Improvements!"

SOME FIGHT

An American Negro stevedore assigned to the great docks in southwestern
France had written several letters to his black Susanna in Jacksonville,
Fla., when she wrote back saying:

"You-all don't nevah tell me nothin' 'bout de battle a-tall. Tilda
Sublet's Dave done wrote her all about how he kotched two Germans all by
hisself and kilt three mo'."

The stevedore was reluctant to tell his girl that he was doing manual
labor and that his only accoutrement was the tinware from which he ate
his war bread, "slum" and coffee. His reply ran:

"Dear Sue: De battle am goin' on. You would faint if I tole yuh de full
details. Ah'm standin' in blood up to mah knees, and every time Ah move
Ah step on a daid German. We're too close to use our rifles, and we're
bitin' and gougin' 'em. At one time me and two othah niggahs was hangin'
onto de Crown Prince wid our teeth, an' old Papa Kaiser done beat us off
wid a fence rail untwell ree-umfo's-ments come!"

TOO STRONG A TERM

One evening just before dinner the wife, who had been playing bridge all
the afternoon, came in to find her husband and a strange man (afterward
ascertained to be a lawyer) engaged in some mysterious business over the
library table upon which were spread several sheets of paper.

"What are you doing with all that paper, Henry?" demanded the wife.

"I am making a wish," meekly responded the husband.

"A wish?"

"Yes, my dear. In your presence I shall not presume to call it a will."

NOT FOR HER TO SAY

The value of travel oftentimes depends upon who travels.

Mrs. Williams, who had recently returned from abroad, was attending an
afternoon tea which was given in her honor.

"And did you actually go to Rome?" asked the hostess.

"I really don't know, my dear," replied Mrs. Williams. "You see, my
husband always bought the tickets."

AN EXPERT

"So," said the old general, "you think you would make a good valet for
an old wreck like me, do you? I h