Mr. Wu, "why do you wear your foolish moustache?"

"Oh, that's different," said the Chicago man; "you see I've got an
impossible mouth."

"So I should suppose," retorted Mr. Wu, "judging from some of your
remarks."

HIS SEARCH FOR THE PRACTICAL

"Now," it was explained to Aladdin, "this is a wonderful lamp. Rub it
and a genie appears."

"I see little to that," he replied. "What I want is a lamp that won't go
out on my automobile and get me pinched by a traffic cop."

HARD UP FOR WIND

Everything in the dear old village seemed the same to Jones after his
absence of four years. The old church, the village pump, the ducks on
the green, the old men smoking while their wives gossip--it was so
restful after the rush and bustle of the city. Suddenly he missed
something.

"Where's Hodge's windmill?" he asked in surprise. "I can only see one
mill, and there used to be two."

The native gazed thoughtfully round, as if to verify the statement. Then
he said slowly:

"They pulled one down. There weren't enough wind for two on'em!"

HE KNEW BRYAN

At a recent political convention two of the delegates were discussing
the religious affiliations of prominent statesmen, when one of them, a
Baptist, observed to the other, who was a Methodist:

"I understand that William Jennings Bryan has turned Baptist."

"What?" exclaimed the Methodist. "Why, that can't be!"

"Yes, it is," persisted the Baptist.

"No, sir," continued the Methodist; "it can't be true. To become a
Baptist one must be entirely immersed."

"Yes, that is very true; but what has that to do with it?"

"Simply this," returned the Methodist: "Mr. Bryan would never consent to
disappear from public view as long as that."

HIS NEED

John Hendricks, a singular Western character, awoke one morning to find
himself wealthy through a rich mining strike. Soon he concluded to
broaden his mind by travel, and decided to go to Europe Boarding the
ship, he singled out the captain and said: "Captain, if I understand the
way this here ship is constructed it's got several water-tight
compartments?"

"Yes, sir."

"Water's all on the outside--can't none get in nohow?"

"No, sir."

"Captain," said Hendricks, decidedly, "I want one o' them
compartments--I don't care what it costs extry."

ALL OR NOTHING

Senator Jim Nye of Nebraska tells this story to illustrate some of the
evils of prohibition. The Senator said, apropos of his visit to a "dry"
town.