TOO PERSONAL

Upon the recent death of an American politician, who at one time served
his country in a very high legislative place, a number of newspaper men
were collaborating on an obituary notice.

"What shall we say of the former senator?" asked one of the men.

"Oh, just put down that he was always faithful to his trust."

"And," queried a cynical member of the group, "shall we mention the name
of the trust?"

AN ACROBAT IN THE SQUAD

Sergeant (_drilling awkward squad_): "Company! Attention, company! Lift
up your left leg and hold it straight out in front of you!"

One of the squad held up his right leg by mistake. This brought his
right-hand companion's left leg and his own right leg close together.
The officer, seeing this, exclaimed angrily:

"And who is that blooming galoot over there holding up both legs?"

HIS SYSTEM WAS A COMPLETE ONE

We know that the achievements of American business experts are often
beyond belief. Whether the following story is true, or is merely a
satire, must be left to the judgment of the acute reader:

"May I have a few moments' private conversation?"

The faultlessly dressed gentleman addressed the portly business man,
standing upon the threshold of his office.

"This is a business proposition, sir," he said, rapidly closing the door
and sinking into a seat beside the desk. "I am not a book agent, nor
have I any article to sell. I have come to see you about your wife."

"My wife!"

"Yes, sir. Glancing over the society column of your local paper, I am
informed that she is about to take her annual autumn trip to Virginia.
You will, or course, have to remain behind to take care of your vast
business interests. Your wife, sir, is a charming and attractive woman,
still in the bloom of youth. Have you, sir, considered the
possibilities?"

The other man started to get up, his face red with rage.

"You--" he began.

"One moment, sir, and I think I can satisfy your mind that my motives
are pure as alabaster. This is an age of machinery, of science and
invention, and, above all, of efficiency. I am simply carrying this idea
of efficiency into the domestic life, which, as you are doubtless aware,
is so much more important than the physical. One moment, sir. I can
furnish you with the highest credentials. This is purely professional, I
can assure you. Will give bond if you so desire. My proposition is this:
I will accompany your wife on her trip, always, when tra