aying his garments to their full advantage,
edged close to his mother and whispered, "Can I call pa Bill now?"

GUIDE

Our boys in France need little guidance to become on good terms with the
French girls. The following hints at conversation have therefore been
made as simple as possible:

Bong swah, mad-mwa-zell! Vou zay tray beautiful.
Kesker say votr name?
Zhe swee Edward Jones.
Vooley voo take a walk?
Eecy ate oon fine place to sit down.
Bokoo moon to-night, nace paw?
Avay voo ever studied palmistry?
Donney mwa votr hand.
Votr hand ay tray soft!
Dahn lay Zaytah Unee are bokoo girls, may voo zay more beautiful
than any of them.
Chay mwa zhe nay pah seen a girl that could touch voo!
Voo zay oon peach!
Le coleur de votr yer ay tray beautiful.
Votr dress ay bokoo dress.
Donney mwa oon kiss?
Zhe voo zame!

APPREHENDING THE KAISER

Early in the war the Kaiser was haled before a Virginia court. At least
that was the intention of Charles L. Zoll, justice of the peace of Broad
Run district, Loudoun County, who delivered into the hands of the
Sheriff this warrant:

Commonwealth of Virginia, County of Loudoun, to wit:

To the Sheriff of the said county:

Wheras, Woodrow Wilson has this day made oath before me, a justice of
said court, that William Hohan Zollern, alias Wilhelm, has at various
times and places between July, 1914, and November, 1917, committed
murder, assault, and arson upon the bodies of various people and
sundry properties, against the peace and dignity of the Government of
the United States, the State of Virginia and Broad Run district in
particular.

These are therefore in the name of the Commonwealth of Virginia and
the Government of the United States to command you to forthwith
apprehend the said William Hohan Zollern, alias Kaiser Wilhelm, and
bring his body before me at my office in Aushburn, Va., to answer
said charges, and there and then be dealt with according to law.

And by the power vested in me I hereby extend your jurisdiction to
the Continent of Europe and I do by these presents declare the said
William Hohan Zollern, alias Kaiser Wilhelm, to be an outlaw, and
offer as a reward for his apprehension three barrels of corn, five
bushels of potatoes and meat of ham, said ham to weigh not less than
twenty-one pounds nor more than thirty-five pounds.

And you are moreover require