iven me his card. Here it is. He is Mr. Andrew Carnegie.'"

PREPAREDNESS

Scotchmen are proverbial for their caution.

Mr. MacTavish attended a christening where the hospitality of the host
knew no bounds except the several capacities of the guests. In the midst
of the celebration Mr. MacTavish rose up and made rounds of the company,
bidding each a profound farewell.

"But, Sandy, man," objected the host, "ye're not goin' yet, with the
evenin' just started?"

"Nay," said the prudent MacTavish. "I'm no' goin' yet. But I'm tellin'
ye good-night while I know ye all."

FULL SPEED AHEAD

He was the slowest boy on earth, and had been sacked at three places in
two weeks, so his parents had apprenticed him to a naturalist. But even
he found him slow. It took him two hours to give the canaries their
seed, three to stick a pin through a dead butterfly, and four to pick a
convolvulus. The only point about him was that he was willing.

"And what," he asked, having spent a whole afternoon changing the
goldfishes' water, "shall I do now, sir?"

The naturalist ran his fingers through his locks.

"Well, Robert," he replied at length, "I think you might now take the
tortoise out for a run."

PLAYING SAFE

A lady recently selecting a hat at a milliner's asked, cautiously:

"Is there anything about these feathers that might bring me into trouble
with the Bird Protection Society?"

"Oh, no, madam," said the milliner.

"But did they not belong to some bird?" persisted the lady.

"Well, madam," returned the milliner, pleasantly, "these feathers are
the feathers of a howl; and the howl, you know, madam, seein' as 'ow
fond he is of mice, is more of a cat than a bird."

WORDS FAILED HER

The budding authoress had purchased a typewriter, and one morning the
agent called and asked:

"How do you like your new typewriter, madam?"

"It's wonderful!" was the enthusiastic reply. "I wonder how I ever done
my writing without it."

"Would you mind," asked the agent, "giving me a little testimonial to
that effect?"

"Certainly not," she responded. "I'll do it gladly."

Seating herself at the machine, she pounded out the following:

Aafteb Using thee Automatid Backactiom atype write, er for thre emonth
%an d Over. I unhesittattingly pronoun ce it tobe al ad more than th e
Manufacturss claim! for it. Durinb the tim e been in myy possessio n $i
thre month it had more th an paid paid for itse*f in thee saVing off tim
e