inspected the
stock of a local shopkeeper.

"Is this a good one?" she asked, as she picked up a dainty little
machine. "What is it called?"

"That's the Belvedere," said the handsome young shopman politely.

There was a chilly silence. Then the young woman drew herself coldly
erect, fixed him with an icy stare, and asked again:

"Er--and can you recommend the Belva?"

SOMETHING!

A young Irishman recently applied for a job as life-saver at the
municipal baths.

As he was about six feet six inches tall and well built, the chief
life-saver gave him an application blank to fill out.

"By the way," said the chief life-saver, "can you swim?"

"No," replied the applicant, "but I wade like blazes!"

NOT ENOUGH SCENERY

The Negro stevedores of the southern states of the American Union have
been conscripted and shipped in great numbers to ports in France for
unloading the incoming American steamers. Their cheerfulness has quite
captivated the gayety loving French, who never tire of listening to
their laughter and their ragtime songs. When the "bosses" want to get a
dockyard job done in double-quick time they usually order a brass band
to play lively Negro tunes alongside the ship. Every stevedore thereupon
"steps lively," and apparently his heavy labor becomes to him a light
and joyous task. One stevedore, to whom the Atlantic voyage had been a
test, exclaimed: "Mah goodness! Ah never knew dere was so much water
between dem tew countries! Dere ain't enuf scenery for me, no sah, an'
if de United States don't build a bridge across dat dere Atlantic, Ah's
agwine to be a Frenchman for life."

IAN HAY'S FATE

Captain "Ian Hay," on one of his war lecture tours, entered a barber's
shop in a small town to have his hair cut.

"Stranger in the town, sir?" the barber asked.

"Yes, I am," Ian Hay replied. "Anything going on here to-night?"

"There's a war lecture by an English fighter named Hay," said the
barber; "but if you go you'll have to stand, for every seat in the hall
is sold out."

"Well, now," said Ian Hay, "isn't that provoking? It's always my luck to
have to stand when that chap Hay lectures."

CAMOUFLAGE

After a "push" some of the lads of the Northumberland Fusiliers who
entered one of the captured villages set about making things comfortable
for themselves. Seeing a large wooden box some distance away, they made
tracks to commandeer it On the way back an officer met them and queried:

"Here,