lads, where are you going with that?"

"This old egg-box, sir--we're taking it along to our dug-out, sir," one
of them explained.

"Egg-box be hanged!" retorted the officer.

"Why, that's the general's roll-top desk!"

HAPPY ENDING WANTED

A charming, auburn-haired nurse tells the story. She bent over the bed
of one badly wounded man and asked him if he would like anything to
read. The soldier fixed a humorous eye on her and said, "Miss, can you
get me a nice novel? I'd like one about a golden-haired girl and a
wounded soldier with a happy ending." After this the pretty nurse looks
down contemptuously on civilian compliments.

A SKEPTIC

A colored Baptist was exhorting. "Now, breddern and sistern, come up to
de altar and have yo' sins washed away."

All came up but one man.

"Why, Brudder Jones, don't yo' want yo' sins washed away?"

"I done had my sins washed away."

"Yo' has? Where yo' had yo' sins washed away?"

"Ober at de Methodist church."

"Ah, Brudder Jones, yo' ain't been washed, yo' jes' been dry cleaned."

A PERSON OF DISCERNMENT

A Quaker had got himself into trouble with the authorities, and a
constable called to escort him to the lock-up.

"Is your husband in?" he inquired of the good wife who came to the door.

"My husband will see thee," she replied. "Come in."

The officer entered, was bidden to make himself at home, and was
hospitably entertained for half an hour, but no husband appeared. At
last he grew impatient.

"Look here," said he, "I thought you said your husband would see me."

"He has seen thee," was the calm reply, "but he did not like thy look,
and so he's gone another way."

AN OLD HAND

After two months at Rockford Private Nelson got his leave at last, and
made what he conceived to be the best use of his holiday by getting
married.

On the journey back at the station he gave the gateman his marriage
certificate in mistake for his return railway ticket.

The official studied it carefully, and then said: "Yes, my boy, _you've_
got a ticket for a long, wearisome journey, but not on this road."

A TRUE OPTIMIST

It was Christmas Eve in camp, and very cold at that. There was a certain
amount of confusion owing to the Christmas festivities and leave, and so
forth, and one man was unable to find any of his outer garments. He
wandered about, asking all his mates if they knew where they were.

"Has any one seen my b-b-blanket?" he demanded, and was told