ED THE THOUGHT

The father of a certain charming girl is well known in this town as "a
very tight old gentleman." When dad recently received a young man, who
for some time had been "paying attention" to the daughter, it was the
old gentleman who made the first observation:

"Huh! So you want to marry my daughter, eh?"

"Yes, sir; very much, indeed."

"Um--let me see. Can you support her in the style to which she has been
accustomed?"

"I can, sir," said the young man, "but I am not mean enough to do it."

RIVALRY

A young American artist who has just returned from a six months' job of
driving a British ambulance on the war front in Belgium brings this back
straight from the trenches: "One cold morning a sign was pushed up above
the German trench facing ours, only about fifty yards away, which bore
in large letters the words: 'Got mit Uns!' One of our cockney lads, more
of a patriot than a linguist, looked at this for a moment and then
lampblacked a big sign of his own, which he raised on a stick. It read:
'We Got Mittuns, Too!'"

IMPERSONAL

A pretty girl at an evening party was bantering a genial bachelor on his
reasons for remaining single.

"No-oo. I never was exactly disappointed in love," he said. "I was what
you might call discouraged. You see, when I was very young I became very
much enamored of a young lady of my acquaintance. I was mortally afraid
to tell her of my feeling, but at length I screwed up my courage to the
proposing point. I said, 'Let's get married,' And she said, 'Why, who'd
have us?'"

AND HE SUCCEEDED

The military strategist is born not made.

For example:

Two youngsters, one the possessor of a permit, were fishing on a certain
estate when a gamekeeper suddenly darted from a thicket. The lad with
the permit uttered a cry of fright, dropped his rod, and ran off at top
speed. The gamekeeper was led a swift chase. Then, worn out, the boy
halted. The man seized him by the arm and said between pants: "Have you
a permit to fish on this estate?"

"Yes, to be sure," said the boy quietly.

"You have? Then show it to me."

The boy drew the permit from his pocket. The man examined it and frowned
in perplexity and anger.

"Why did you run when you had this permit?" he asked.

"To let the other boy get away," was the reply. "He didn't have any."

NO CHANGE IN SHYLOCK

An old woman who lived in the country recently visited some friends in
the city. During her stay she wa