ave a glass eye, a wooden leg, and a
wax arm that need looking after, not to mention false teeth, and so
forth."

"Oh, that's all right, general," replied the applicant,
enthusiastically; "I've had lots of experience. I worked six years in
the assembling department of a big motor-car factory."

SHE ADMITTED IT

Our ideals are often a personal matter and, after all, it is just as
well to be humble about our achievements A certain woman was brought
before a magistrate.

"It appears to be your record, Mary Moselle," said the magistrate, "that
you have been thirty-five times convicted of stealing."

"I guess, your honor," replied Mary, "that is right. No woman is
perfect."

A BENEFACTOR OF MANKIND

This story teaches us a very old moral.

The man of whom it is told was travelling in a railroad train when he
leaned forward confidentially to the man in the next seat:

"Excuse me, sir," he said. "You're not going to get off at the next
station, are you?"

"No, sir."

"Then that will give me time to tell you. Are you aware, sir, what is
the matter with this great country?"

"No, sir."

"As I thought. It's due entirely to misunderstanding. We are always
jumping to conclusions about others. That makes us suspicious. Result,
constant friction. Take you and me, for example. At present we are
comparative strangers. But when we get to know each other better we
shall slowly but surely come to realize that each of us is trying to do
our best, and--"

"But I don't want to know you any better."

"Precisely. Exactly. That's what causes all the trouble. I judge you and
you judge me too hastily. As you become better acquainted with my
motives you will gradually come to realize that deep down in my heart is
a passionate desire to benefit my fellowmen. Same here. My tendency is
to treat you as a stranger, not to give you credit for noble generosity
and genuine civic virtue. But I am determined to overcome this attitude
and recognize you as a brother. I know I'm a hundred years ahead of my
age, but someone must make the sacrifice."

The train stopped and the other man got up and, leaning over, grabbed
him by the arm.

"I'm changing my mind," he said; "guess I will get off at this station.
By-by. Sorry I can't know you better."

The pioneer in human progress sat for some time after the train had
started, pondering on the deep problem of destiny. Suddenly, however, he
clapped his hands to his pockets and ran forward