f
at the age of twenty."

HE GOT RESULTS, ANYWAY

American troops who during the early days of the European War were
landed in France received a more careful and prolonged training than
could possibly be given the most of the regiments hurriedly raised
during the Civil War. The story goes that a raw battalion of rough
backwoodsmen, who had "volunteered," once joined General Grant. He
admired their fine physique, but distrusted the capacity of their
uncouth commander to handle troops promptly and efficiently in the
field, so he said:

"Colonel, I want to see your men at work; call them to attention, and
order them to march with shouldered arms in close column to the left
flank."

Without a moment's hesitation the colonel yelled to his fellow-ruffians:

"Boys, look wild thar! Make ready to thicken and go left endways! Tote
yer guns! Git!"

The manoeuvre proved a brilliant success and the self-elected colonel
was forthwith officially commissioned.

THE TWO TREATMENTS

President Wilson an ardent advocate of every kind of social reform, is
fond of telling a story about an old teamster.

This old fellow said to the treasurer of the concern one day:

"Me and that off horse has been workin' for the company seventeen years,
sir."

"Just so, Winterbottom, just so," said the treasurer, and he cleared his
throat and added: "Both treated well, I hope?"

The old teamster looked dubious.

"Wall," he said, "we wus both tooken down sick last month, and they got
a doctor for the hoss, while they docked my pay."

COMPREHENSIVE

There is nothing like taking precautions.

In the following colloquy Mr, Casey, so far as we can judge, neglected
nothing. Mrs. Casey said to him:

"Me sister writes me that every bottle in that box we sent her was
broken. Are ye sure yez printed 'This side up with care' on it?"

"Oi am," said Casey emphatically. "An' for fear they shouldn't see it on
the top Oi printed it on the bottom as well."

BITING REPROOF

During a dust-storm at one of the army camps, a recruit sought shelter
in the cook's tent.

"If you put the lid on that camp kettle you would not get so much dust
in your soup."

"See here, my lad, your business is to serve your country."

"Yes," replied the recruit, "but not to eat it."

DISCRIMINATIVE

On a road in Belgium a German officer met a boy leading a jackass and
addressed him in heavy jovial fashion as follows:

"That's a fine jackass you have, my s