"After a long speech and then talking to all the magnates of the
neighborhood, I went to bed dry as a powder horn. I could not sleep and
as soon as it was daylight I went down into the dining room: As I sat
there the mistress of the house came in and said 'Senator, you are up
early.' I said: 'Yes, living in the West so long, I am afflicted with
malaria, and I could not sleep.' She went over to a tea caddy, took out
a bottle and said: 'Senator, this is a prohibition town, you know, but
we have malaria and we find this a good antidote. I know it will do you
good.'"

The Senator seized the bottle with avidity and thankfulness. He settled
again in his seat by the window, more in harmony with the world. Then
the head of the house came in and said: "Senator, you are up early." He
replied: "Yes, malaria, you know." "Well," said the old gentleman, "we
have a cure for that. This is a prohibition town; it is good thing for
our work people; but I have a little safety in my locker," and he
produced a bottle.

After the old gentleman left the two sons came in and said: "Senator,
are you fond of livestock?" The Senator by that time was fond of
everything and everybody. He said: "Yes, I love livestock, I have plenty
of it on my ranch." They said: "Come out to the barn and we will show
you some." They took him out to the barn, closed the doors, and said:
"Senator, we know you must have had a hard time last night. We have no
livestock but we have a bottle in the haymow." Senator Nye then said:

"The trouble with a prohibition town is that when you most need it you
can't get it, and when it does come it is like a Western flood, too much
of it."

BUSINESS IS BUSINESS

Eugene was a very mischievous little boy and his mother's patience was
worn to the limit. She had spoken very nicely to him several times
without effect. Finally she said:

"You are a perfect little heathen!"

"Do you mean it?" demanded Eugene.

"Indeed, I do," said the mother.

"Then, mother," said the boy, "why can't I keep that ten cents a week
you gimme for the Sunday-school collection? I guess I'm as hard up as
any of the rest of 'em."

THE BOOTBLACK'S GENEROSITY

When Paderewski was on his last visit to America he was in a Boston
suburb, when he was approached by a bootblack who called:

"Shine?"

The great pianist looked down at the youth whose face was streaked with
grime and said:

"No, my lad, but if you will wash your face I will give you