be a judge
at home."

A LITTLE TOO THRIFTY

Secretary of War Baker tells a story of a country youth who was driving
to the county fair with his sweetheart when they passed a booth where
fresh popcorn was for sale.

"My! Abner, ain't that nice?" said the girl.

"Ain't what nice?" asked Abner.

"Why, the popcorn, it smells so awfully good," replied the girl.

"It does smell kind o' fine," drawled the youth. "I'll jest drive a
little closer so you can get a better smell."

BEYOND HIM

A young couple, speeding along the country highway, were stopped by the
justice of the peace.

"Ten and costs for reckless driving," announced the justice.

"Listen," said the young man, "judge, we were on our way to have you
marry us."

"Twenty and costs, then!" cried the justice. "You're more reckless than
I thought you were."

ITS NAME

In a kindergarten class flags were shown, and in answer to a question a
little girl gave the response that was expected of her: "This is the
flag of my country."

"And what is the name of your country?" was the next question.

"'Tis of thee," was the prompt reply.

THE ORIGINAL METHOD

Katherine and Margaret found themselves seated next each other at a
dinner-party and immediately became confidential.

"Molly told me that you told her that secret I told you not to tell
her," whispered Margaret.

"Oh, isn't she a mean thing!" gasped Katherine. "Why, I told her not to
tell you!"

"Well," returned Margaret, "I told her I wouldn't tell you she told
me--so don't tell her I did."

GIVE US THE CHANCE

When Booth Tarkington was visiting Naples he was present at an eruption
of Vesuvius.

"You haven't anything like that in America, have you?" said an Italian
friend with pride.

"No, we haven't," replied Tarkington; "but we've got Niagara Falls that
would put the d----d thing out in five minutes."

A DELIGHTFUL EXPERIENCE!

We often take delight in fancying what we would do if things were really
reversed in this oftentimes trying world: and particularly what we would
do to the president of our bank. Here is a little story which gives the
pleasant variety:

"I have come in to borrow some money from you," said the bank president
timidly, as he stood before one of his depositors, nervously twirling
his hat in his hand.

"Ah, yes," said the depositor, gazing at him severely. "But you don't
expect to get it, do you?"

"I had hoped to."

"What collateral have you to