, and a kodak takes
his portrait.

AUTOMATIC "EFFICIENCY"

A young lady telephone operator recently attended a watch-night service
and fell asleep during the sermon. At the close the preacher said, "We
will now sing hymn number three forty-one--three forty-one."

The young lady, just waking in time to hear the number, yawned and said,
"The line is busy."

THE WINNER

While Chopin probably did not time his "Minute Waltz" to exactly sixty
seconds, some auditors insist that it lives up to its name. Mme.
Theodora Surkow-Ryder on one of her tours played the "Minute Waltz" as
an encore, first telling her audience what it was. Thereupon a huge man
in a large riding suit took out an immense silver watch, held it open
almost under her nose, and gravely proceeded to time her. The pianist's
fingers flew along the keys, and her anxiety was rewarded when the man
closed the watch with a loud slap and said in a booming voice: "Gosh!
She's done it."

TAXED TO CAPACITY

A friendly American who has just arrived in London brings a story of
Edison. The great inventor was present at a dinner in New York to which
Count Bernstorff had also found his way. The Count spoke of the number
of new ships which Germany had built since the war began. He was
listened to respectfully enough, although a little coldly, because the
sympathies of the party were not with him or Germany.

When he had stopped, Edison looked up and said in a still, small voice,
and with a serious face:

"Must not the Kiel Canal be very crowded, your Excellency?"

GASTRONOMICAL

A man and a woman entered a cafe.

"Do you want oysters, Louise?" asked the man, as he glanced over the
bill of fare.

"Yes, George," answered the woman, "and I want a hassock, too."

George nodded, and as he handed the waiter his written order, he said:

"Bring a hassock for the lady."

"Yes, sir," answered the waiter, "one hassock."

A moment later the waiter, apparently puzzled, approached the man, and
leaning over him, said:

"Excuse me, sir, but I have only been here two days and do not want to
make any mistakes. Will the lady have the hassock broiled or fried?"

A LITERAL CENSOR

Joe T. Marshall, formerly of Kansas, recently became the father of an
eight-pound boy, and wished to cable the news to his family in America.

The censor refused to allow the message to go through.

"What's the matter?" Marshall asked indignantly.

"We aren't permitted to announce th