ative of the changes in methods of warfare comes from a
soldier in France who took a German officer prisoner. The soldier said
to the officer: "Give up your sword!" But the officer shook his head and
answered: "I have no sword to give up. But won't my vitriol spray, my
oil projector, or my gas cylinder do as well?"

APPRECIATION

It was just after a rainstorm and two men were walking down the street
behind a young woman who was holding her skirt rather high. After an
argument as to the merits of the case, one of the men stepped forward
and said: "Pardon, me, miss, but aren't you holding your skirt rather
high?"

"Haven't I a perfect right?" she snapped.

"You certainly have, Miss, and a peach of a left," he replied.

ALLEGRO

"That'sallFergusonI'llringifIwantyouagain."

"YessirthankyousirshallIsayyouareoutifanyonecallssir?"

"TellthemIamoutofthecityandFerguson."

"Yessir?"

"Havetheautoreadyforanearlyruninthemorning.
HavealargebunchoforchidsinthevaseFerguson."

"Yessiranythingelsesir?"

"NothingelseFerguson."

Readeritisonlytheconversationinatalkingmovieshowtryingtokeepupwiththepictures.

JUST ANSWERED

A soldier in the English Army wrote home: "They put me in barracks; they
took away my clothes and put me in khaki; they took away my name and
made me 'No. 575'; they took me to church, where I'd never been before,
and they made me listen to a sermon for forty minutes. Then the parson
said: 'No. 575. Art thou weary, art thou languid?' and I got seven days
in the guardhouse because I answered that I certainly was."

TOO LONG A SHOT

A famous jockey was taken suddenly ill, and the trainer advised him to
visit a doctor in the town.

"He'll put you right in a jiffy," he said.

The same evening he found Benjamin lying curled up in the stables,
kicking his legs about in agony.

"Hello, Benny! Haven't you been to the doctor?"

"Yes."

"Well, didn't he do you any good?"

"I didn't go in. When I got to his house there was a brass plate on his
door--'Dr. Kurem. Ten to one'--I wasn't going to monkey with a long shot
like that!"

SENSITIVE

Here is a story of a London "nut" who had mounted guard for the first
time:

The colonel had just given him a wigging because of the state of his
equipment. A little later the colonel passed his post. The nut did not
salute. The indignant colonel turned and passed again. The nut ignored
him.

"Why in the qualified blazes don't you salute?" the col