ry
ill, told him ingenuously what he thought, and declined prescribing for
him. "Now you are here," said the patient, "I shall be obliged to you,
Sir Richard, if you will tell me how I must live; what I may eat, and
what I may not."--"My directions as to that point," replied Sir Richard,
"will be few and simple! You must not eat the poker, shovel, or tongs,
for they are hard of digestion; nor the bellows, because they are
_windy_; but eat anything else you please!"

CXCVII.--FARMER AND ATTORNEY.

AN opulent farmer applied to an attorney about a lawsuit, but was told
he could not undertake it, being already engaged on the other side; at
the same time he gave him a letter of recommendation to a professional
friend. The farmer, out of curiosity, opened it, and read as follows:--

"Here are two fat wethers fallen out together,
If you'll fleece one, I'll fleece the other,
And make 'em agree like brother and brother."

The perusal of this epistle cured both parties, and terminated the
dispute.

CXCVIII.--A WIFE AT FORTY.

"MY notion of a wife at forty," said Jerrold, "is, that a man should be
able to change her, like a bank-note, for two twenties."

CXCIX.--DISAPPROBATION.

AN actor played a season at Richmond theatre for the privilege only of
having a benefit. When his night came, and having to sustain a principal
part in the piece, the whole of his audience (thirty in number), hissed
him whenever he appeared. When the piece ended, he came forward and
said, "Ladies and gentlemen, I return you my sincere thanks for your
kindness, but when you mean to hiss me again on my benefit night, I hope
you will be at least _six times_ as many as are here to-night."

CC.--NOVEL OFFENCE.

COOKE and Dibdin went, at a tolerably steady quick-step, as far as the
middle of Greek Street, when Cooke, who had passed his hand along all
the palisades and shutters as he marched, came in contact with the
recently-painted new front of a coachmaker's shop, from which he
obtained a complete handful of wet color. Without any explanation as to
the cause of his anger, he rushed suddenly into the middle of the
street, and raised a stone to hurl against the unoffending windows; but
Dibdin was in time to save them from destruction, and him from the
watch-house. On being asked the cause of his hostility to the premises
of a man who could not have offended him, he replied, with a hiccup,
"what! no