will not tell ye how high our hearts beat as we
r-read th' news fr'm day to day. Ye know. I will on'y say that
we insthructed our ambassadure to do ivrything in his power to
help our kinsmen an' he faithfully ixicuted his ordhers. He
practically lived at th' White House durin' th' thryin' peeryod,
an' his advice to th' prisidint such as: "If ye go on with this
binnyficint war th' United Powers will knock ye'er head off," or
"I think I can secure fav'rable terms fr'm th' Powers if ye will
abdicate in favor iv a riprisintative iv th' house iv Bourbon an'
cede New England to Spain," done more thin annything else to put
heart into th' American foorces. I will add that durin' this time
we was approached be an ambassadure iv wan iv th' powers who ast
us to inthervene. I will not say which power it was, excipt that
it was Austhrya-Hungary an' I'm previnted be th' obligations iv me
office fr'm mintionin' what powers was behind th' move beyond
hintin' that they was as follows: Germany, France, Rooshya, It'ly,
China, Turkey, Monaco, San Marino, Boolgahrya, Montinaygro,
Booloochistan an' Pershya. Pah's reply to th' ambassadure was:
"I will do all I can" as he kicked him down stairs. It ill becomes
me to say what else we done f'r that home iv freedom--an' hiven
knows I wisht it'd stay there an' not be wandherin' over th' face
iv th' wurruld--but I'm not proud iv me looks an' I will remark
that Tiddy Rosenfelt was capably directed be th' iditors iv England,
thim hearts iv oak, that th' American navy was advised be our mos'
inargetic corryspondints an' that, to make th' raysult certain, we
lint a few British gin'rals to th' Spanish. Cud frindship go
farther? As they say in America: "I reckon, be gosh, not."'

"Well, whin I read this speech I was prepared to hang th' medal
f'r savin' life on th' breasts iv th' hands acrost th' sea where
there's always plinty iv hooks f'r medals. But th' nex' day, I
picks up th' pa-aper an' sees that 'twas not England done it but
Germany. Yes, sir, 'twas Germany. Germany was our on'y frind.
They was a time whin it looked as though she was goin' to shoot
at us to keep us fr'm th' consequences iv our rash act. They'se
nawthin' Germany wudden't do for or to a frind. Yes, it was Germany.
But it was France, too. La Belle France was there with a wurrud iv
encouragemint an' a glance iv affection out iv her dark eyes that
kep' growin' darker as th' war proceeded. An' it was Rooshya.
Whin th' C