th' name. It depinds on how th' syllables came
out iv th' hat. We were wrong, although what we see whin we got
in more thin made up f'r th' error. We made a long incision fr'm
th' chin down an' another acrost an' not findin' what we expicted,
but manny things that ought to be kept fr'm th' fam'ly, we put th'
Cap back an' wint on. Th' op'ration was a complete success. Th'
wretch is restin an' swearin' easily. We have given him a light
meal iv pickles an' antiseptic oats, an' surgical science havin'
done its duty, mus' lave th' rest to Nature, which was not in th'
consultation, bein' considhered be some iv us, slightly irregular.
(Signed) Look at our names: 'Pincers, Anodyne, Peroxide, Smothers,
Coltar, Antipyreen, Cepalgeen, Alicompane, Gycal, Hygeen, Rambo,
Saliclate.'

"But that's nawthin'. If ye think they'se annything ye wud like
to keep up ye'er sleeve, look f'r it in th' pa-apers. 'Th' followin'
facts is stated on th' authority iv wan iv th' attindin' surgeons:
Cap Dooley cut up terribly undher th' chloryform, singin' songs,
swearin' an' askin' f'r Lucy. His wife's name is Annamariar. She
was in th' adjinin' room. It seems they have had throuble. Th'
room was poorly furnished. Th' Cap's clothes was much worn as was
most iv him. He must have led a shockin' life. It is doubtful
if he will iver raycover f'r he is very, very old. He has been
concealin' his age f'r manny years. He is a notoryous profligate,
as was well shown be th' view we had. Th' flash light pitcher iv
th' Cap will appeal to all who know his inner histhry.'

"An' there ye ar-re. Think iv a man comin' out in th' light iv
day afther all that. He can't get on clothes enough to cover him.
He may bear himsilf with a haughty manner, but he feels that ivry
man he meets knows more about him thin he knows himsilf. Th'
fellow on th' sthreet has been within th' walls. He's sayin' to
himsilf: 'Ye're a hollow sham composed akelly iv impaired organs
an' antiseptic gauze.' To th' end iv his life, he'll niver be
annything more thin an annytomical chart to his frinds. His privacy
is over f'river, f'r what good can it do annywan, Hinnissy, to
pull down th' blinds iv his bed room if ivrybody knows exactly th'
size, shape an' location iv his spleen?

"No, sir, if I've got to be sick, give me th' ordhn'ry dacencies
iv poverty. I don't want anny man to know anny more about me thin
he can larn fr'm th' handiwork iv Marks, th' tailor, an' Schmitt